Saturday, December 28, 2013

Top 10 things Cashman should'a done, but didn't do, in 2013

He shoulda...

1. "Accidentally" lost Kevin Youkilis' agent's phone number, missing out on chance to sign free agent slugger.

2. Traded Phil Hughes immediately after one of his early few decent starts.

3. Convinced Derek Jeter not to try coming back during spring training.

4. Traded Joba Chamberlain, at any time, for anything.

5. Told Hal Steinbrenner the $189 million payroll target was a practical joke being played by the front office, and in fact, the Yankees needed to sign free agents, including Russell Martin.

6. Sleep through the deadline for making offers to Ichiro, and losing him to the Rays.

7. Pretended to be stone deaf when the Angels offered Vernon Wells.

8. On July 30, traded everybody on the team, except Mariano and Jeter, to the Dodgers.

9. Waited for Curtis Granderson to heal from his first injury, and dealt him as soon as he hit a home run.

10. Signed Bartolo Colon, Francisco Liriano and Mike Napoli for squat.


KD said...

If The Cashman can get us the good Professor, all these lost opportunities you list will be forgotten or forgiven.

On a serious note, do we need a juju intervention on behalf of Alphonso's health? Just give the word...

JM said...

Is Alphonso sick? I've been in a holiday haze...and it's only getting worse.

Tanaka is ours for the taking, and we can get him for less money than some other team simply by guaranteeing him a new bucket of fine-grain, Grade A beach sand before every, game. This personalized appeal will touch a chord within his Japanese culture and win him over. Promising to add really good fresh fish, preferably raw, to the clubhouse spread. See if he's a fan of Shirako, otherwise known as whiting or, to us gringos, male fish sperm sacs.

Hey, it's a delicacy! You know, like deep-fried prawn heads where you crunch the outside and discover the tender, soft brain inside. Like M&Ms, but a lot more disgusting.

Ho ho ho.

el duque said...

Because of the Hippopotamus laws, I cannot disclose anything about Alphonso's health, other than to say he's nursing a bum gilhoolie. He's listed as day to day.