|Chase, Chris, Brandon, Zelous and Jeff Francis. Remember him?|
The Evil Empire grapevine is buzzing with anticipation about the team skillfully re-signing its Big Three: Chase Headley, Brandon McCarthy and Chris Capuano! But why limit our dreams? If Cashman can also snag Stephen Drew, we would have the new Core Four. Good grief, we've already outbid the Hiroshima Carp and Subway Corp. Food Services to keep OF Chris Young.
And I'm not even going to mention Zelous Wheeler, because I don't want to get people's hopes too sky-high.
So... when the final out of 2014 was recorded, you took comfort in believing you would never again have to gaze upon this sorry bunch of Mets and Padres.. am I right? But, realistically, what are the Yankees' options for giving their roster a Lifestyle Lift?
1. They really can't trade Tex or Beltran - wait, let me rephrase: Nobody wants Tex or Beltran, so we're stuck with them.
2. They can deal Francisco Cervelli or David Phelps. That ought to bring us someone on the level of a Headley, a McCarthy or a Capuano. The possibilities are limitless, if you are a 12-year-old who thinks the Nats will trade us Bryce Harper for 50 Slade Heathcotts and David Huff. Probably, in any deal for Cervelli or Phelps, we'll receive a Cervelli or a Phelps in return.
3. They can empty the farm system for somebody famous, such as Tulo from Colorado, who can then hot tub the season with A-Rod, in shared hip therapy. Or they can get another 2010 all-star, now digging his fingernails into the chalkboard, as his career descends. We could probably get a decent player for Severino and Judge, our two top prospects, and just figure the world will end between now and 2018, so why bother thinking about such things?
4. They can anticipate the biggest change: The swap of Jeter for A-Rod. Is that an improvement? Who knows? At least if A-Rod doesn't hit, they won't be locked into batting him second all season. If he doesn't hit, they'll hide him in the dugout and hope the stadium's new metal detectors work.
Maybe Cashman actually convinced Hal that the 2014 Yankees were a good team, which could have snagged the Brass Ring, if not for all those nasty, pesky injuries. If so, that's an impressive oratorical achievement.
So... could we just double-down, and put the same budget up before the voters? One way to alter the outcome is to lower the turnout. Maybe this time, it'll pass.