Thursday, November 27, 2014

Lively, mirthful rejoinders to defuse rising political tensions over your Thanksgiving feast

Now and then, even nice families raise a super-Nazi. As a public service, here are some witty one-liners to extinguish the looming fist fight over the turkey buffet. When Cousin Cooter starts talking about "rounding 'em up and puttin' 'em in a pen," try these soothing comebacks to put a smile on people's faces.

"Hey, you know what? You're a fucking moron."

"That argument makes sense... if you're a fucking cretin."

"Thank you. I always wondered how the world looks to a 40 IQ head full of oatmeal."

"Pass the cranberry sauce, you vile, piddling, brainless shithead."

"Hey, I got an idea. Why don't you stick your fucking jizzy, Jerry Sandusky-breathed mouth onto the bunghole of this bird, and whisper into it all your bizarre and idiotic personal views, because nobody else wants to hear them, you ridiculous, one-track, slappy-headed dick."


Tom said...

Excellent! Any one of these will instantly win the argument while simultaneously avoiding the food fight that might somehow ruin an otherwise great day. Many thanks for these helpful hints!

And Happy Thanksgiving to the lunatic fringe who create and enjoy this bat-shit-crazy blog.

Local Bargain Jerk said...

I agree with you Tom. However, because of this:

Posted by el duque at 5:34 AM

I'm wondering what could have happened to El Gran Sr. El Duque before that ungodly hour to provoke such a rant. Options include:

1) Bad dream

2) Never went to sleep and was cranky about it.

3) Thought about the Yanks passing on Cuban outfielder Yasmany Tomas before going to sleep and was rip-shit pissed when he woke up.

I'm pretty sure it had to be #3...

Happy Thanksgiving to all.