Sunday, March 3, 2024

Three rumors about Blake Snell convey a perilous Yankee fate

This week, three troubling rumors bubbled up from the Yankee bullshit machinery. They all involve Blake Snell, whom the Death Barge is trying to ignore, without pissing him off.

Before continuing, let me state for the 1,000,000th time that, come August, the Yankees will regret sleeping on the NL Cy Young winner. By the trade deadline, Cooperstown Cashman will be chasing overpriced table scraps to fill the rotation, and whatever the team would have paid Snell, or Jordan Montgomery, will look like a bargain, compared to what they shell out to acquire a new Sir Sidney Ponson.  

Also, let me add that much of this crapola stems from social media, which has already been proven to be the end of civilization. Let's hope Snell is not sitting on the toilet, drinking Mountain Dew and Googling himself (though that is, in fact, one of the  rumors.) 

So, here's how things went this week, according to the little birdies.

1. In private, the Yankee brain trust blames its lack of interest in Snell on Carlos Rodon. Last winter, Hal lavished Jeterian wealth upon Rodon, who turned out to be more like Jeter Downs. Why do it all over again? This rumor popped up after Rodon apparently got whacked around in batting practice Friday. That seems an unfair way to judge a pitcher - he might be working on his Folly Floater - but, hey, dime store judgements come with the Pinstripes.

2. Talking amongst themselves, the Yankees think Snell is a Prius-driving nerd who plays too much World of Warcraft. They prefer the towering Marlboro Man who drinks antifreeze and licks clean the mud flaps on his truck. This hearkens back to the days when they whispered that Zach Grienke could not handle NYC, thus they clutched the wallet. Grienke, now 40, has had a great career. He took delight in killing us while in Houston. This is the kind of diss a pitcher never forgets. It's also bad juju.

3. The Orioles might be bidders. Insert gasp here. This - the most frightening scenario - would have Baltimore shedding fiscal prudence and splurging for a world championship. I seriously doubt this will happen. The O's are too relentlessly cheap. But Yank fans - and perhaps management - might be sitting too cushy in their wombs, figuring Snell will sign with San Francisco and be the Dodgers' problem. Everything could change in the AL East, depending on where Snell winds up. 

Either way, he soon sign with somebody. Maybe today. 

18 comments:

edb said...

Right on! Duque. Fools be fools, describing Cheapskate Hal and Genius Cashman.

BTR999 said...

A championship team needs at least 7 viable starters in modern MLB. Past our anointed 5, we only have a bunch of question marks. Given that Luke Weaver is seen as a start gap option, the plan seems to be hoping that one or more of the younger (I.e. minor league) pitchers will have an impactful debut. There are just too many such question marks for this team. It goes along with the wishful thinking that some of the aging hitters will magically have a bounce back year.

To be painfully honest, I say without snark, all this is just too much to hope for.

AboveAverage said...

True, BTR. Very true.

But the question on EVERYBODY’S mind is whether you watched San Soleil yet.

DickAllen said...

We are doomed.

So, to find some hope in a lost landscape, I turned last night to “The Pride of the Yankees,” where Theresa Wright as Eleanor Gehrig got billing over The Babe. A great movie, and a reminder of how pathetic this current group The Intern has assembled.

Five starters? Seven starters? This team doesn’t have a single legitimate rotation piece beyond our Number One.

I repeat: we are doomed

DickAllen said...

And just to be on the safe side, I’m watching “Bull Durham” this morning to wipe the horrible taste of incompetent leadership that could t put together a winning ball club even with Stick Michael in the room. He’d get outvoted.

If only somehow Hal could get banned for a season or two.

JM said...

Dick, that's a great idea. The only way we got the great run of the late 90s was George being out of the picture. Has Hal donated to any Nazi groups? Though these days, that might be acceptable.

13bit said...

Sayra
Migdalia
Andy C
Gina


Yankees Hymn Lyrics

From the Halls of lowly Baltimore
To the swamps of Milwaukee;
We fight our city’s battles
In the air, on land and sea;
First to play for right and freedom
And to keep our stubble clean;
We are proud to claim the title
of unbeatable Yankees!

Our pennant unfurled to every breeze
From dawn to setting sun;
We have played in ev'ry clime and place
And we never gave up a run;
In the snow of far-off Feeeenway
And in sunny Tampa Bay;
You will find us always on the job
The Tankees all the way

Here's health to you and to our Corps
Which we are proud to serve
In many a strife we've fought for life
And never lost our nerve;
If we ever took get to Teeexas
And can find a way to win,;
They can steal signs all the like
We will rise above the din.

13bit said...

Next up, “The Battle Hymn of Food Stamps Hal” by Bo Diddley

AboveAverage said...

13Bit - I was waiting for your Sun Ra / Yankee mash-up.

Make us proud.

13bit said...

AA - The Sun Ra/Yankees mashup will have to wait until the season has begun, then ended before it has begun. As Ra, himself, said, "We have tried the possible and now we must try the impossible."

BTR999 said...

A/A , haven’t been able to find San Solleil streaming. I think it might be on Criterion?

AboveAverage said...

If only Sun Ra was in charge of the Yankees analytics department . . .







Kevin said...

"Sun Ra", LMAO!!!

Kevin said...

The pity is that if Hal were to cough up and buy Snell we'd be pissing and moaning about the Acquired. Maybe not right away, but soon, and for the rest of our lives. Well, it's easy to forget that in quite a few years that The One Ring was won somebody came out of nowhere to save the day. Who would have guessed that Guidry would suddenly blossom, Mo, Andy, Bernie, Sado, and more than I can think of right now. And remember when the Team looked to have too many starters, a "Circular Lineup"; you know, "possibly the greatest lineup ever". The seasons in the aughts were the more bitter for me than the Desolation of the Eighties. Pray for health, and some gold nuggets from the farm. One day it will have seemed to have been preordained.

AboveAverage said...

BTR - yes - only there for the best quality - some transfers available on YouTube and Vimeo

The Hammer of God said...

Just by spending the money, getting Snell and Hader, we'd be sittin' pretty with a very real chance of winning the championship this year.

Of course, that would be too easy for a franchise that really does NOT want to win the championship any time soon.

So the ASS-stros signed Hader. And now someone will sign Snell. You can bet your bottom dollar it won't be the Yankees. And so we'll ring in another year of mediocrity in 2024.

The Hammer of God said...

Bravo, 13bit! Semper fidelis! I salute you!!!! 21 gun salute - KA-BOOM!!!!!!!

ranger_lp said...

Former AL MVP Josh Donaldson retires after 13-year career

https://www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/id/39653819/former-al-mvp-josh-donaldson-retires-13-year-career