Theo Epstein Schedule at GM Meetings

8 p.m. Arrive at hotel, sign autographs, line up drugs & hookers.

9 p.m. -11 p.m.: Drink, goad Cashman, beer pong, chase tail.

11 p.m.- 1 a.m.: Attend "White Zombie" tribute band show.

Tuesday:

Noon: Wake up, ditch broad, breakfast.

1-3 p.m.: Watch "Night Ranger" video in bed.

3-4 p.m.: Receive back rub from Bill James.

4-5 p.m.: As practical joke, send exotic dancer, 50 pizzas to Cashman's room.

5 -7 p.m.: Dinner, swap Manny Ramirez stories.

7 p.m. -- whenever: Drink, goad Cashman, beer pong, chase tail.