YANKEEOGRAPHY: Chris Britton, the largest Yank

At 280 pounds, Chris is one of baseball’s porkiest players, according to Wikipedia!
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How did this round-shouldered pea-slinger from Hollywood, Florida become an area code?
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Let’s travel back in time to 1997, when Chris was a buttery 15-year-old doing what all teen baloney boppers did: He watched Cleveland’s Jaret Wright stuff the Yanks in the AL Division Series, while chasing down pizzas with quarts of half-n-half.
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When Wright emerged as one of baseball’s all-time greatest bums, the Yanks naturally became intrigued and signed him to a multimillion dollar contract. In NY, Wright somehow managed to worsen. So last winter, the Yanks peddled him to Baltimore for Chris, a deal in which the Yanks actually gained 60 pounds.
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What a year Chris had in his XXXL pinstripes. He chalked up 12 and 2/3rds innings, compiling an ERA of 3.55. At one point in April, he was working on a skein of two consecutive scoreless innings!
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Let’s wish Chris the best in 2008. Without him, clubhouse buffets just aren’t the same. And remember: No matter what happens, he's not Jaret Wright.