Dice-K introducing kinky porn collars to Redsock sex covens

The Celtictown Herald is all over this like Charlie Sheen on a brownie picnic.

See that little doggy-style thingy? Dice-K brought them from the land of the Rising Sweatshop and awarded them to his pals so they can be, well, a secret magnet pyramid necklace club!

"Find a picture of almost any Red Sox player these days and a Phiten necklace most likely can be found within the image."

Well, there you have it.
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We have Giambi's golden thong. They have Dice-K's man-boy love choker. Maybe that whole Babe Ruth curse thing was just about a jar of magic Vaseline. Forget dueling rotations. Come September, maybe it'll all come down to dueling gayware. Who's got the hot nipple ring?
Grrrrrrrreowl! Scratch me, kitty! Geeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrreowwl!

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Of course, necklaces are nothing new. Before each at bat, Carl Everett had to notify the FAA so pilots overhead wouldn't be blinded by his neck candy. And who can forget our own Jeff "Dream" Weaver? (Oops. I gotta go sit in some icewater. He always does that to me.)
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Still, the Phiten Fidos of Boston are missing a chance to unleash their inner, Harvard Hasty Pudding accessory banditos.

For example, consider the understated, insectlike elegance of she-dog Jason Varitek.

And shouldn't the world get a glimpse of the the bold, mysterious knuckleball glamor of Tim Wakefield?

Finally, let's never overlook the youthful exhuberance of Jacko-boy Ellsbury.