Thursday, June 12, 2008

Yanks Need extra $400 M for new stadium, probably $800 M to win pennant


It comes down to icing on the cake:
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Will the new Yankee Stadium offer porcelain urinals or chrome troughs?
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Molded seats or slabs of nail-infested barnwood?
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C.C. Sabathia or Jeff Karstens?
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Time to shell out, everybody.
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We're getting a glimpse of cheap:
Win, lose, win, lose, win, lose and leave half the population of Westchester County on third base with less than two outs.
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It's time to act:
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Call Congress and urge it to give our heros whatever they want -- lawyers, guns, money, access to growth hormones, whatever -- because we are a franchise being run by drunken Albanians, and when the world is crashing around you, remember the first rule of modern war:
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BRING CASH BY THE GARBAGE BAG.
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With $400 million of public financing -- which is what the Yanks want -- there's room in one of those luxury suites for Ray Halladay, a bullpen and the entire Tampa Bay Ray outfield.
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We should hold a telethon for this money-strapped team. We should bring canned food. Can Mariah Carey put on a concert?
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YOU CAN'T WIN IF YOU'RE TOO CHEAP TO SPEND WHAT IT TAKES.
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IN THIS CASE, A BILLION DOLLARS JUST MIGHT DO IT.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Justin Deutschland-uber-alles-er-er looks like the second coming of Greg Maddux.

michael kei said...

I thought his name was Justin Deutschlandgambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- n├╝rnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- sh├Ânedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?

Anonymous said...

You forgot gemulichkeit