Our Famed Multi-DH Defense Heads to Houston

AN OPEN LETTER TO JOBA CHAMBERLAIN:

Good luck, tonight.

The Yank brass will let you throw 95 pitches -- that is, if you get that far.

Here are few tips.

Try not to let them hit the ball to right. Jason's on a hot streak: two errors in two games. And Bobby's still seeing the shrink about his wallophobia.

For that matter, avoid pop flies to left. Due to our weak hitting, we'll probably have Hideki stationed out there. He's got the range of an earthworm.

That could mean Johnny Damon in center. (And why not? Melky isn't hitting, and he has 3 errors!). Johnny's still looking for his first assist this year.

It'll just seem like a game at Yankee Stadium: Monuments in the outfield.

OK, got that? No fly balls.

At short you've got Jeet, still smarting over those wiseass Ivy Leaguers who called him baseball's worst defender.

And don't let Jorge throw to second. His shoulder might go -- and with it, our season.

Robbie's got 5 errors. Good thing he's an offensive secondbaseman.

A-Rod, well... he's A-Rod.

So here's the plan: Strike out as many as you can.

That might mean 95 pitches in 4 innings.

Just keep in mind: This may be interleague play...

But on defense, it's not NL vs AL.

This is NL vs. IL.