Alphonso's New Plan

" This nonsense all started with that bar fight in North Carolina. That brain-dead Brien Taylor, with a million bucks in his pocket, decides to get even with some local reds ( necks ) for beating up on his out-of-work, high school drop-out brother.

He goes in, talks, tough, and leaves in a cast. Never to pitch again. No Dr. Andrews for him.

From that point forward, every top-rated Yankee pitching prospect I can think of ( Henn, Chin Ming, Brackman, Sanchez, ....call El Duque for the complete list ), has had arm surgery.

Then, something else happens; lis francs, broken ribs, groin pulls, yips, and what I like to call, the Yankee's "over-rating syndrome," combine to overwhelm the true "look and feel" of all Yankee pitching prospects.

I mean, we are signing people like Carl Zambrano ( see Sidney Ponson ), and hoping that Carl Pavano makes it back before they have to expose Ian Kennedy again.

So here's the new strategy:

1. Trade all of our well regarded pitching prospects ( I mean those mistakenly held in high regard by others, not us ), for well-regarded position players. We rarely have outfielders or second basemen visiting Dr. Andrews. And, in a perfect fit of fate, we have no high ceiling position prospects at the moment.

2. Do it now, before the scouts understand the new Yankee gig, and some media hot-shot
reveals the "surgeries to come " list of our current prospects.

3. Buy pitchers....just buy every free agent pitcher who has lasted enough seasons not to blow out their arms. Increase the payroll to $300-$400 million. Can Kevin Brown still " bring it?"

4. Buy pitchers from Australia, Mexico, China, Canada, Grenada, and Labrador, if necessary. Also, from South Carolina. Anywhere.

5. Encourage more drinking and partying. Let's, at least, become baseball's
" championship" party team.

6. In a secretly created, hedge fund deal, acquire the Tampa Bay Rays.

7. Simply change the uniforms and stadium names during Spring Training, and leave our team in Florida.

I know it is only 10:15 am on the East Coast, but is anyone up for a " little shooter?"

Get ready for more really bad news.