A change of heart

A few of our fans have wondered why I've been absent of late. Well...

I've had to reassess my loyalties and have concluded that I'm not really a Yankee fan.

I haven't lived in New York for longer than I care to say. Some guy named Levine (a Hebrew!) runs our team and the Boss is now an invalid with 2 idiot sons entrusted with changing his diaper and the daily dusting of the Lou Saban shrine. And now Lou is dead. It's just too much to bear.

I think about some of my favorite Yanks: the Babe, Wade Boggs, Johnny Damon. They were all redsocks. Tex was almost one as was the magnificent Arod. What can I conclude from this?

Maybe now is the time to get on board the train to Boston. The Yanks seem to be poised for a good season in their new palace. Even the esteemed Pete Abe has issued a rare commercial endorsement for their over-priced steakhouse. (He works for Gannett and makes the big bucks, after all.) But I'm a member of the proletariat, the working class. I can barely afford a 6-transistor radio to hear the velvet tones of John Sterling and his companera, Woozy Soozie. I'm left with no choice.

I bid all my friends adieu. It's been a difficult time in my life and I'm told that things will soon improve. I hope so. The alternative is not attractive. But I'm hopeful that my new meds will be more effective than the previous home brew and that the coming Rapture will clean up the rest of the mess.

In the words of the Frugal Gourmet, "I bid you peace."