We signed the guy who brought Schilling to the Redsocks

Casey Fossum. He'll eat innings, one at a time, in the AAA Coal Mine.

He's the Redsock superprospect that Arizona accepted for Curt Schilling, after they demanded Alphonso Soriano and Nick Johnson -- everything but the Brooklyn Bridge -- from us.

They wanted the great Casey Fossum.

Never forget.

Never. Forget.

So now we have Fossum. He's 31. Three kids. Still can't hold runners. Doubt he still weighs 160.
He and Tomko can share a library card.

Here is the truth: If God exists, Fossum will bloom for us.

If Fossum fails, forget God. There is no God. We are mere self-delusional electrochemical impulses spawned by interactive bacteria. I don't exist. You don't exist. Casey Fossum doesn't exist.

But the Diamondbacks still have yet to hear from us.

And they will. Oh, yes, they will. Mwahhahahahaahahahahahhahaahaaha!