Open Letter to Brian Cashman: You must sign John Lackey

Dear Mr. Cashman,

Never abandon a winning strategy.

This winter -- in fact, every winter, from now on -- we should sign the best three players available.

But this year's market doesn't fit our team as snugly as last year's...

With one exception: John Lackey.

Sign him. He's a Texas lugnut. He's gotta be sick of LA. He's a gamer. He protects his team in beanball wars. Moreover, he kills us. If the Angels won game six, he might have shut us out in game 7. He is the perfect addition to CC and AJ. We can even use his initials: JD.

Sign him, sir, sign him, sign him!

Boston will chase him. They'll want to reassure their angry fanbase. They'll want a Yankee killer. The team that whiffs on Lackey will feel immense pressure to trade for Roy Halladay. Toronto won't trade within the division unless it's a slam dunk in their favor.

Sign Lackey, and make the Redsocks drain their soggy system for Halladay.

Sign Lackey, and we can sit back, bid up the price tag and maybe get Halladay ourselves.

Sign Lackey. Yes, the critics will scream. They'll scream, no matter what. They'll claim we're not playing by the rules. But these are the rules. They'll claim we overspend. But last year, we reduced payroll. We could do it again. Let them scream. The only screams you should fret are from Yankee fans, if we're 10 out in July.

Sign Lackey. Do it first. Visit his home. Bring chocolates. Bring footrubs. Gifts for the children. Send CC and Jeet. Wine him. Dine him. Show the Cashman flair. Show the love that exists so abundantly within the Yankee breast that its fans would even forgive Pedro Martinez.

Sign Lackey, and drive a stake into Boston's heart.

Sign Lackey, and watch them panic.

Sign Lackey, and we repeat in 2010.

Sign Lackey, sir. Sign Lackey.