Friday, December 18, 2009

What the Yankees Are Doing And Why

My entire year-end activities have now been trashed.

I was sitting at the Cantina working out the final roster details for our South Mexican Dirt Field League team in 2010 when the news came over the radio.

Even in spanish, I could understand what our famed, local announcer/fruit picker Luis Sanchez ( our version of Michael Kay) was saying.

So I raced up to NYC on the Greyhound Executive Class 5 Star Luxury Liner and got to the stadium in time for Curtis ( the new .215 hitter against lefties ) to put on jersey number 14.

Brian was there and I asked him; " what the f*** are the Yankees doing?"

We let our last true world series hero ( the first and last in a decade) go for nothing and replaced him with a guy I was about to sign for the Dirt field League. I figured that with Nick Johnson and Edwar Ramirez ( whom I have signed on a month to month deal), I would have the final two chips in place for a run at the Cactus Championship in 2010.

My sights now must turn to the Shelly and Eric Duncans, assuming I can pry one or both of them out of Scranton to enjoy the daily delights of my less demanding, but highly rewarding, SMDFL.

And when I say Highly rewarding, I mean it.

After the press conference and the unveiling of the newest Grandy, I gave Brian some prime herbs which grow exceeding well just off the left field line of our home field in Southern Mex.

He opened up to me, though some words may be slurred:

1. That line about the Yankees getting younger and faster is a sham. It is what the Yankees feel their fans want to hear, but bears no resemblance to reality.

It's like the change Mr. Obama promised in his campaign about our wars in the middle east. Now we learn that change doesn't mean an improvement. It can also mean more of what doesn't work. It is still change, no?

Hence, Grandy ( who can't hit ) for Johnny ( who can ), and Nick ( who can't stay healthy and has zero power ) for Hideki ( who returned to health and won the series for us with his power).

On a one to one basis, we are younger. But don't also factor in trading our best and brightest prospects in years. Just take what is on the surface and don't consider the truth. Don't consider, as we say in the Cantina, " the all-in price."

2. The Yankees are not intending to compete in 2010.

I mean, they will show up and all. And we will suffer through another 4-5 months of "Joba Rules " and mediocre starts from him . And we will wonder all year why Phil Hughes is still the bridge to MO instead of the guy who was born for it. And we will probably lose the first 8 or 12 to Boston. If we do "score" the wild card at season's end, Joba will be back in the bullpen.

Chad Gaudin will be the key to the starting rotation. "Ace" Aceves, I am told by reliable sources in Mexico, was born in 1968 in Chinchilla , Mexico. So let's not put too much faith in his "players card " age of 27.

3. The Yankees are waiting for 2011 when the free agent class is far stronger and deeper.

So Boston will be in the WS next year not us. So what? We don't really have a rivalry with them anymore, anyway. They have broken the curse. They have won and they can win again. No big deal. In fact, the Angels are now our true rival.

And Hideki will murder us. I say, just walk the guy.

4. Johnny Damon will likely sign with Boston or the Angels.

This will be the worst slap in the championship belt. Luckily, we still have Brett Gardiner.

The End.

Happy New Year everyone. You can make any drink out of Tequila.

See you in Tampa for the return of Andy Brackman and other top Yankee draft picks and trade-for gems.

Our minor league system is now, officially, an empty glass. No reason to get excited. No one to follow. No one to worry about trading. What a relief.

And we'll always have last year.

I love living in the past.


GWC3 said...

1. Grandy *can* hit. Johnny can't field. (and Charile don't surf.)

2. Coke and Kennedy are NOT our "best and brightest prospects in years." Jackson is good, but not as valuable as, say, Joba, Phil or Jesus. Also, we essentially traded Bruney for a guy that is equivalent to AJAX with more power, but 2 years older.

3. Shelley's a free agent. He's signing elsewhere because there's no place for him here. Never has been. (btw, he's 30...only 3 years younger than A-Rod)

4. The Yankees will compete in 2010. We lost the first 8 or 9 to Boston this year. See how that turned out?

5. Damon won't sign with the Angels. They still have too many OFs. He may sign with Boston.

6. My guess is they end up with another SP or maybe an LF, either through free agency or by trading Melky, Gardner or the new OF.

Anonymous said...

This blog has gotten... dumb

Anonymous said...

and the joke continues to go above Anon and GWC's heads.