10 Team Exhortations by Joe Paterno During Last Night's Loss to Alabama

1. Where are my car keys!!?

2. OK, let's settle down and let Hufnagel throw the ball!

3. No, dammit, I didn't say, "Go for it." I said, "I gotta go!"

4. Watch out for the onside kick! Hey, did I ever tell you about the onside kick Ted Kwalick ran back for a touchdown against Army? They tried an onside kick against us, and the ball squibbled around, and Ted, he just picked it up and - yeah, I know there's a game going -- lemmie finish this story... where was I? Hey, did I ever tell you about the onside kick Ted Kwalick ran back for a touchdown against Army? They tried an onside kick...

5. Get back in there! You think you're hurting? I haven't peed all week!

6. Oh well... another national championship... down the drain.

7. Three touchdowns behind? For this, I'm missing "Matlock??!!"

8. ... So Kwalick picks up the ball, damned if it didn't squiggle out of a pile, and he's got a clear lane all the way... huh? Yes, of course, I'm paying attention. Where was I? Hey, did I ever tell you about the onside kick Ted Kwalick ran back for a touchdown against Army? They tried an onside kick...

9. Wait a minute. You're not Ted Kwalick?!!

10. Damn. What was I thinking when I dropped Syracuse?