Call off your dogs, Selig. It's over. You won.

Call off your dogs, Selig. It's over. You won.

Friday, April 5, 2013

"A NUKE... FROM YOUK: John goes with the people's choice for Youkilis HR call

Today, The Master unveiled his HR call for Kevin Youkilis, selecting the phrase that voters overwhelmingly supported in a poll three weeks ago on this site:

"A NUKE... FROM YOUK."

Bringing us up to date on John's calls for new Yankees:

Vernon Wells: "The Bronx is Vernon."

Travis Hafner: "A Pronk's Bomber"

Kevin Youkilis: "A nuke from Youk."

OK, I know what you're thinking:  "John is sounding a little... violent, wouldn't you say?"

Clearly, John is moving from happy show tunes and extended first-person references, such as "You're on the mark, Teixeira," and "Curtis, you're something sort of grandish."

He's returning to short snippets, his roots. Each new call is less than four words. Also, none has yet evolved a secondary cry, such as: "An A-bomb from A-Rod, Alexander the Great conquers again."  Those would likely come later. John doesn't hand out secondary taglines like candy. A hitter has to earn one.

Still, there is no doubt that John is invoking violent metaphors. "A nuke from Youk" needs no explanation. "Pronk's bomber" is another weapon of mass destruction. "The Bronx is Vernon" is a play on the phrase "The Bronx is burning," yet another apocalyptic vision of hell.

Should we worry about John? Good question. The simple answer is, yes, we should always worry about John. But the real concern is this Yankees team. If it falls out of contention by, say, August 20, will we be hearing regular descriptions of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Maybe.

Let's just remember: We voted in favor of "A nuke from Youk." Who knows? Maybe the Master isn't just talking. Maybe he is listening.

11 comments:

J. Lam said...

Since Youk is basically replacing A Rod at third for now, John had to make sure the Yankee lineup still had a nuclear threat without the A bombs.

blueday said...

Please don't gloss over the greatest John line ever: "Youkilis is KEVIN sent"

Suzyn W. said...

It's comorbid personality disorder. John won't last the season. He'll never see jeter play again . . . .

Anonymous said...

That ain't Suzyn. The Suzyn I know giggled like a school girl when John added... Almost as a non sequitur... That Puke was Kevin scent (presumably, smells like crotch).

John Sterling said...

Of course I am not following this blog. I don't need material, I am both creative and a genius. By the way, check out my new book, "The JuJu Rules" . . . . .

Anonymous said...

Was the book driven by jeep out of the Lowe's broadcasting booth they have in every stadium?

John Sterling said...

Actually, the book was. As I told El Duque, "Let's Build Something Together". Now we feel safe and secure.

Anonymous said...

John didnt get his call from here. Experienced Slossogists know someone sent him a telegram, or maybe a postcard via RFD.

el duque said...

Hey, who's taking BACK their votes for Employee of the Month? That stood at 14 yesterday, and now it's 12. WTF?

Alphonso said...

I prefer; " A Nuke From Puke."

John has outdone himself, given North Korea's recent rhetoric.

Anonymous said...

Maybe we can have John replace Rodman as the US ambassador to North Korea.