A philosophical question each of us must address regarding the looming Yankee apocalypse

Which sign along the road to Stump, Maryland, represents a deeper, more Stygian future Yankee darkness? Think carefully:

1. Ben Francisco batting second.

2. Ben Francisco playing as DH.

Listen: I have no personal axe to grind with Ben Francisco. He's probably a lovely man. But when the Retrieval Empire  added him, I foresaw his role as a defensive OF, a demon on the paths and a late-inning PH for a Nix, a Stewart or the other Francisco, as in Cervelli. On opening day, I was astonished and - yes, a bit frightened - to see Ben listed as our DH. I thought, "No, I'm dreaming this. I'll wake up and find Ron Hassey and Chili Davis have returned, because we always have at least four 35-year-old milk trucks sitting in the dugout, waiting to swing the donut-bat."

Well, I was wrong.

OK, I don't want to sit here and just gripe, gripe, gripe about Ben Francisco. That's what Redsock fans do. (Can we start ridiculing Redsock fans again?) But if I were an opposing manager, I would study last night's Yankee lineup and tell my starter, "Yu, forget about throwing right-handed: Tonight, you're a lefty!" 

Yes, it's early. And yes, it's complicated. We have Grandyman and the Text Message returning. We have Jeet and Arod coming back - maybe. There are roster spots and options, contracts and waiver wires to consider - all the things we pig-headed bloggarts never understand. But Ben Francisco, DH? Come on!

Somewhere out there, Ronnier Mustellier - the only newcomer to rouse my flaccid hopes in spring training - is still icing his meaty, black-and-blue thighs. The guy heals more slowly than the Pope - not the one in office, but the one feeding the pigeons. What happened to Musty? One day, he's on the verge of coming north. Next, he's "bruised." Bruised? (Actually, he's supposed to join Scranton next week.) Jeet plays whole seasons bruised. Must be a hell of a bruise. Because Ben Franciso is our DH.

Oh, and if you're scoring at home: The answer to the above philosophical question is not one or two. It's the one I couldn't bring myself to include. All of the above. Because that's what we saw last night.