FIFTY THOUSAND MOONS

Monday, April 22, 2013

The name of the spokeswoman for Robinson Cano's nonprofit foundation may have turned up in the notes from the Biogenesis company that may have been providing performance enhancing drugs to major leaguers

Well, you can't ignore that kind of evidence. You get the tar, I'll get the feathers...

ESPN - now doing more investigative work on Yankee players than the entire U.S. media did on the reasons for invading Iraq - says this newest issue surrounds the international lady of mystery known as Sonia Cruz. She has worked for Robinson Cano's foundation and has also been a Biogenesis client. Hmm.

She claims it was for a $300 weight loss program. Does she think we're daft? That's exactly what she'd say if she were lying!

Here's how it must have gone down: Cruz - as public spokesperson for Cano's operation - certainly would be the last person to generate attention. Thus, she put on a quick 50 pounds, then went to Biogenesis for the "weight loss" program. (Wink, Wink). She paid $300 for top of the line Angry Bull AndroGel Testosterone Number 99, which she swallowed in a plastic balloon, muled to the Yankee dugout, pooped onto the shower floor, where it was retrieved and safely injected into Robbie's buttocks by A-Rod. A perfect crime. The lady did it.

Cano has denied knowing clinic founder Tony Bosch or having ever used performance-enhancing drugs. But as his best friend, Melky Cabrera, his mentor, Alex Rodriguez, and now his spokeswoman have all been connected to clinic documents, MLB wants to know whether any relationship between Cano and the clinic exists.

(Insert sigh here.)

I know, I know... it's sorta journalism the way it should be done, the Woodward and Bernstein way, and it's nice that ESPN - or somebody - is following the ol' money trail... but it's pro sports, folks, pro sports. It's not war, politics, taxes, death or poisoned rivers. Good grief, folks, it's a business predicated on organizations and individuals constantly trying to find and maintain physical advantages for a bunch of mercenary warriors. Nobody wants steroids, or deer antler spray, or anything. But listen: This is a forever war, my friends. It never ends. It never gets won. It just goes on and on - and eats away at the sport, just as recruiting violations endlessly tear the heart from the NCAA.

One other thing: It's always targeted on the high profile players and teams. It's always taking down the stars, the hall of famers, the heroes from yesterday. It's a forever losing war, my friends. Because if you win it, you destroy the legacy of baseball past. (As we have done with Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, et al - who were not by any level the only people abusing drugs.) So Robbie's next? Done. He'll hear it in every stadium. He'll get asked in every city. Nothing like a reference to the Yankees puts a smile on a web editor. That's traffic, baby, traffic. In simple terms: Chasin' clicks with Jason Nix.

I wish I had the answer. But it seems to me that MLB tests pee and blood on a regular basis. When a guy tests positive, he gets suspended. These "investigations" based on a notepad found in a clinic are loops off into a tangent. The feds want no part of them, so MLB is launching its own little hunt. And the longer the hunters hunt, the more pressure they face to bag a name. A big name. So here we are... Robbie Cano, doncha know?

4 comments:

John M said...

Guilty, guilty, guilty. He breathed the same air. He's dead

And our ace, ad usual, gives up a million runs but, gosh, does he eat innings. That's an ACE, baby!

Anonymous said...

i thought robbie was looking a little too beefy and this proves it. GUILTY!! (Where's my pitchfork?)

KD said...

If it would help him heal his ankle, Derek ought to be using steroids right now. A medical exception is needed for these drugs.

bennyboy said...

I just don't want the Yankees to give Cano that 10 year deal. Please, for the love of all that is holy, don't give him a ten year contract. Please.