Monday, October 10, 2016

So much for the Giants saving this horrible year in New York sports

If a tree falls during a network telecast, and nobody tuned in, did it make a sound? That's today's Orange Sunshine micro-dose question. Last night, on national (sort of) TV, the Jersey Giants re-spake their vows with mediocrity for at least one more rotten season. They lost with a quarterback who should be working full time for Nationwide and Papa John's, and who looks every bit as ready for the golf course as his older brother. This leaves New York City sports - already such a disaster that Syracuse aims to be its official college football team - existing on a level below such cultural Meccas as Sacramento and Jacksonville - hell - even below Scranton, whose happy Wilkes Barreans are still sipping from that International League Governor's Cup.

WTF? Why are New York teams so universally bad? 

Well, the answer is socialism.

Yes, comrades, it's old-fashioned Communism, as practiced by the owners and packaged under the name "parity." Thanks to payroll limits and salary caps, modern sports leagues achieve fiscal parity - thus keeping owners from digging into their personal wallets. There are no more George Steinbrenners, just Hals, who clutch their dimes and finagle their taxes. Yeah, the NFL has Jerry Jones, and baseball has John Henry in Boston (Yoaaaaan Moncada... slooooowly I turn...), plus the Dodgers guy, but after them, it's all about billionaires having more money to buy politicians, (thank you, U.S Supreme Court.)

We have achieved a world where spending is capped on pennant races, but unlimited on political races. 

Brilliant.

So why does this kill NY teams? Well, Gotham City has 100 times the distractions of the Clevelands and Minnesotas - the hookers, the traffic, the pollution, the crime, the hookers, the sharpies, did I mention the hookers? - 100 times the reasons to not get a good night's sleep before the big game.

Eliminate the financial advantage, and New York teams are universally hamstrung. Thus, the Yankees, Giants, Mets, Jets, Knicks and Rangers occupy a perpetual .500 loop, not good enough or bad enough - just mediocre enough to sort of contend. But the Steinbrenners, the Dolans, the Maras, the Woody Johnsons - they all make mountains of money, enough to keep Westchester County gated off from the rest of us. 

Maybe - just maybe - the Yankees will rise over the next few years, thanks to a talent surge from this summer's sell-offs. If it happens, it will be an exception. (And I'll believe it when they don't empty the system for Chris Sales.) The clearest path to a winning team is simply to be awful. (That might be the case in 2017, or we might still be stuck in limbo.)

So once again, the Giants look sad. Fortunately, nobody watched. Right? Nobody wasted their time. Right?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

HERE'S TO TAKING THE 7 POINTS (AND BUYING THE EXTRA 2 POINTS)...GIANTS PLUS 9 !....CHEERS!!!....... FOOTBALL EQUALS GAMBLING TO ME....... JUST A TIME OCCUPIER ON THE WAY TO YANKEE BASEBALL.

John M said...

I actually picked Green Bay in my football pool. This is how low my spirits have sunk.