Sunday, October 8, 2017

The end is nigh

Listen: It was a good year, a fine year, a season of warmth and passion, of occasional jubilation. Nobody can steal it from us. But... well... everything ends, everything, and...

Of course, tonight, we'll bring the hellfire and the extreme juju. Hell, yeah! I'm not suggesting we lay down for nobody! We will fight them on the couches! we will fight them in the kitchens! and fans shall say, this was our finest... something... but...

Dammit, you can't predict baseball, Suzyn! I mean, you never know! It's a three-game series. We could still...  

Oh, fukkit. We are done, comrades. Doomed. Finis. Over. We are like those Cuban ambassadors whose heads got rocked by the secret, ultra-sonic dog-whistle/brain decondibulator. We don't know what hit us, but it hurts to think. And the reason is simple: This year, 2017, was not our time. Fate is everything, and the championship was not ours. Remember:

Whether you're early
Or whether you're late
It don't mean shit to fate.


It was a great gondola ride, 2017, but the cords have snapped, and we're plunging into the ravine, and it's time to sing about Irene. We must embrace the acceptance level of Lizzie Kubler-Ross's five stages of Yankee death. Generally, we deny it up until the division is clinched, we bargain with the notion that our old players will suddenly be reborn, we grow furious over Cashman and Girardi or whatever player swings at ball four, and we argue among ourselves... and now... kaboom... this. 

Dear Juju Gods, I accept that it's over. I will march to the chopping block, smiling at the fink with the hatchet. I will kneel and close my eyes. I would rather lose tonight 10-0 than absorb another car-battery-to-the-scrotum loss in extra innings. I will ask for the quick and merciful ending and go to the next Yankee world dreaming of things to come. 

Fate, you win. I realize this now. You always will win, ol buddy ol pal. But maybe a year from now - when/if Clint Frazier has arrived, and Miguel Andujar is on the rise, with Glyber and Justus and who knows who - maybe you will be on our side. Maybe we can march arm-in-arm towards a different outcome. 

Just not this year, folks. Sorry to say it. Just not this year. (But think of this: It  aint Boston's year either.)

11 comments:

Leinstery said...

The team morale is broken after two nights ago. Unless Judge hits one completely out of the stadium in the first inning, they're going to sleepwalk through this one.

Anonymous said...

No. I'm not ready to read about but not watch the Knicks. The Giants are 0-4. King Henrik has become a sieve. I can't root for any NY team that ends in "ets" Except, of course the Rockettes but that's for different reasons and I don't any scoring happening there either.

No. No. A thousand times no! (That's a great phrase because it's a lot easier than actually typing no 1000 times.)

There are a number of ways that we can still pull this off...

Girardi can give a fiery pregame speech and dedicate the victory to Donald Trump by asking them to "Win one for the Gypper"

We can use double double reverse JuJu -- Uj Uj the most powerful force I could come up with on short notice. It's kind of like those movies where the parent and the teen change places. Joe wakes up and discovers that he and Grady Little have switched bodies. Joe/Grady benches Lindor because some guy (whose name I don't know due to my total lack of knowledge about the Indians roster) because he's lifetime 1 for 2 against Tanaka. The only thing that could go wrong is if Grady/Joe leaves Tanaka in for too long.

Our victory is inevitable. When have the Indians beaten the Yankees (see History, U.S.)

Someone help me out here. This season can't end. I have no life. I though Alphonso's essay was fantastic and beautifully written but clearly he's never met my family.

We play today. We win today. Das it.

Unless Real Joe Girardi(TM) starts Romine. Then we're fucked.

Doug K.





Leinstery said...

You're on to something there Doug. It's in times like these where we look to our history and our heroes. The Yankees absolutely need to channel their inner Andrew Jackson tonight. One of us needs to find a way to resurrect James Forsyth and get him in uniform before 7:30. Only then can we survive the onslaught from the Cleveland Savages.

Anonymous said...

IT'S DARK AND RAINY OUTSIDE TODAY.....

DEPRESSING WEATHER....

KINDA FEELS LIKE THE END....

I'M GOING TO MISS YANKEE BASEBALL..

IT WAS A STRANGE/GOOD YEAR....

91 WINS, BUT SO MANY PAINFUL LOSSES.....MANY OF THEM WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED IF THE GREAT MARIANO WAS STILL PLAYING.

I BELIEVE THERE ARE A FEW TOO MANY GAMES GIRARDI COST US AS WELL....

I KNOW WE NEEDED HIM TO PITCH THE WILD CARD GAME, BUT IT WILL BE AMAZING IF SEVERINO NEVER EVEN PITCHES IN 1 GAME IN THIS SERIES....

BOY, GIRARDI REALLY MESSED UP.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


I would rather lose tonight 10-0 than absorb another car-battery-to-the-scrotum loss in extra innings.

Truer words were never spoken.

Some months ago, I was inspired to write some words on the then newly coined expression "a pineapple of a loss". I even illustrated it with photos taken at the grocery store.

I'll let someone else do a photo essay to illustrate Duque's latest colorful turn of the phrase...

Alphonso said...

I am intrigued by this Uj-Uj thing. Maybe the literal reversal of our invisible power can have an impact, in a crisis situation.

I am fuzzy on what it means with respect to our actions/behavior. Do we, for example, openly root for the Indians and, thereby, help the Yankees?

Do we wear our clothes backwards or, better yet, wear a Schmata with " Cleveland Hall of Fame " across the chest?

It is worth trying.

It's all we have. Unless Tyler wade develops......

John M said...

I hate Girardi. Just simple, pure, hatred at this point. He wouldn't listen to Sanchez, for psychological reasons one of the astute commenters noted: his hatred of offense-generating catchers, unlike himself. If he hadn't humiliated Posada so horribly at the end of Jorge's career, I'd wonder, but the two together mean Girardi is an asshole, permanently damaged goods.

Here's a horrible thought: remember when Buck didn't use his closer last year and booted the one-game playoff? He's still managing the O's. Why? I don't know. Maybe they're just playing out his contract.

No excuse with Girardi. If he was a rookie manager, he might be forgiven. But for a guy who's been with the Yankees alone for 10 years, and has fucked up soooooo many games over that time, there should be no mercy.

He sucks. I hate him. Arrogant, bullet-headed, lying prick.

Leinstery said...

Anyone remember when (I think) Sports Illustrated wrote that article declaring Cashman the savior of the Yankees and it was so ludicrous that it broke the flow of juju and they won 8 games in a row? Well look at what we have here.

http://nypost.com/2017/10/08/how-3-cashman-masterstrokes-fixed-yankees-athleticism-issue/

Cashman, masterstokes? Is this a ray of hope in a an abyss of binder blue darkness?

Anonymous said...

Absolute agreement from this poster with almost every word John M wrote, above. It's not fun to hate, either - - it takes something out of one physically - - and I already have enough to detest in Rumpy-land. Sad! Sick people! (tweet, tweet)

I realize this will make Stat-Boy cry, but I am off to the hinterlands for the next 8 days, and, though, I will have access to TV, I won't have much, if any, opportunity to log in here until I come back in mid-October, so Stat-Boy will just have to find someone else to attempt to tangle with and slander.

To that above-mentioned individual: far, far from cringing and being upset at what you write about me, I still find it quite amusing, if a bit pathetic...I will miss our tangles for a few days, and your alternate grasp on reality (sure thing, you fully document EVERYTHING you assert on this "low-IQ"blog, sure, you do).

Reminder: you need to further document your assertion that Sonny-Boy is a superior pitcher to Tanaka in nearly every way. By the time I return, I will expect some of your superior documention on that subject - - something other than "need only to look at the splits...", or it's "intuitively obvious".

Meantime, regards to all the rest of you - - none of whom I have ever found occasion to tangle with in a disagreeable, disrespectful manner - - period - - and to you, Stat-Boy - - whether you're a math prof from MIT, or a pizza delivery-boy, or on the cleaning crew in all-caps' businees - - have fun without me, the next few days; the family backons, and you're gonna' miss me. Bye-bye. LB (No J)

Anonymous said...

Hey Microsoft Weenie Anon--on one afternoon in August, Jacoby Ellsbury went 3-4 and Judge went 0-4. So Microsoft Weenie, based on that one game, would have us play Ellsbury over Judge in the first game of the playoffs, putting Ellsbury in center and Hicks in right because Judge had one bad game? Or even one bad week? What kind of fucking moron bases his analysis of strategic choices not only on one game, but crows about his preferences based on the RETROACTIVE fait accompli of one game? The Microsoft Weenie brand of moron, of course, the kind who is so fucking stupid that he has yet to master the statistical concept of sample size--accept no substitutes. Oh wait--sorry to bring up the issue of size again, Microsoft Weenie--I know that every time that comes up you shrivel in embarrassment. No harm intended.

Anonymous said...

In September, Tanaka had two starts in which he gave up 7 earned runs IN EACH START--7 earned runs in only four innings on September 8, and 7 earned runs in 5.2 innings on September 22. You absolutely knew in advance, Teeny Weeny, that THAT abysmal Tanaka would not show up in the postseason and still might not show up when has far less rest to work on? And you don't think that his performance last night had something to do with those extra days of rest that he wouldn't have had if he had started the series? Really, dumbass? Gray, in addition to having better numbers in his season-long LARGE SAMPLE SIZE, never had a game that catastrophically awful all year. So stuff it up your ass, where the remnants of your brain stem are located, stupid lad.