Monday, October 9, 2017

We have Bird, and we have hope

I have no voice. I sound like Bonnie Tyler, with asthma, after smoking a carton of Luckies. I watched the last four at Foley's Pub in NYC, melded into the bar, yelling incoherent-yet-critical instructions to the Yankees through the elevated flat-screen juju porthole. It worked, dammot; they listened. I can honestly say that, moments before he hit it, I predicted Greg Bird's home run, Suzyn. Unfortunately, my other HR predictions - every Yankee coming to bat - failed to materialize. It doesn't matter. We are alive - ALIVE! - in a two-game season, a two-game universe, a two-game continuum - eighteen innings with a pulse but no voice. Oh, and a first baseman. Yes, we do have a first baseman.  

The Yankees have never won Jack Dirt without a big-ass 1B; you can look it up in your binders, Joe. They sucked through the late '60s-early '70s until the day they traded for the quiet man, Chris Chambliss... sucked in the nineties until Tino arrived... sucked in the oughts until Tex showed up. No fukkin first baseman? No fukkin hope. It's that simple, Brian. Bob Watson knew. The Stick knew. Hal ought to know.

And for most of 2017, no hope, not a shred. Remember Chris Carter? Garrett Cooper? Tyler Austin? For five months, the cast of Glee. We presented a lineup with our 1B batting eighth, if not ninth. No more. 

No player, not even Aaron Judge, offers the tired, white-haired Yankee fans their autumnal, what-have-we-here? boners like Greg Bird. Damn. You can hear it in The Master's voice. If Bird doesn't hit 40 next season, John will eat the microphone. Plop Bird in-between Judge and Sanchez - where he should be - and stick Didi in front of everybody, with maybe Red Thunder and Glyber (and while we're at it, smoosh Bryce Harper in there) and I'll take my chances that when people in the future hear "2020," they won't simply think of Hugh Downs. 

I have no voice today. But I have breath. And a first baseman. We have a Chris, a Tino, a Tex, and he's not batting eighth. Man the juju portholes, comrades. It may be too late, the chords being shot, but let's go down screaming. 

22 comments:

TheWinWarblist said...

AAÀÀAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!;++(!!!!!!!!???!!!!((!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Urban Farmer formerly known as DutchFan said...

At the end of the game I had the distinct impression the Master was so emotional and distraught that he forgot his victory warble.
It took him a few seconds to realize it and then he produced a extended but uninspired sort of sound. Too high pitched voice and almost as an afterthought.

Of course it did not help he couldn't find Suzyn in the crowd with her star of the game. Grazias.

"if there is a tomorrow,
If there is a tomorrow"

"There always is a tomorrow John", Suzyn replied

TheWinWarblist said...

AAÀÀAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!;++(!!!!!!!!???!!!!((!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAÀÀAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!;++(!!!!!!!!???!!!!((!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAÀÀAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!;++(!!!!!!!!???!!!!((!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

13bit said...

Is there hope? Sure, there's hope. There's always hope. Want to know about hope? I can tell you about hope. I know a thing or two about hope. Hope is a toy that the gods wield to have some fun for themselves. I was a New York Jets fan from the age of 8 till about the age of 50. I don't remember exactly, maybe it was 52. It ended with a whimper, a sigh, rather than a big dramatic moment. The Jets would show you their true colors - this went on for years - then, they would improbably, impossibly trick you into thinking that something was going to be different. That, against all intellect, reasoning and experience, they might somehow DO IT this time. The magic of 1969 would rear up and blind us. Of course, the magic of 1969 was built upon a very good team and a lot of work and a little luck, but hope will blind you to facts. Year after year, we would grumble and groan, we would lost faith, then they would go on an unlikely run, win a few big ones, and we'd all be pitter pattering in our little sad hearts, thinking it was going to happen again. They became expert and giving you hope, then smashing it against the wall, like a little bird that accidentally flies into a tree chipper. There is no more hope for the Jets, although I still harbor a small superstition that, when every last member of that '69 team has died, the table will be cleared, the clocks re-set, and they may be given a legitimate chance again. More likely, that's a load of crap and it'll come down to new ownership, but I don't even want to waste another keystroke on that cursed franchise. I no longer follow "football." As for Bird, I was defending him here, in these hallowed pages, just a few months ago, when most people here were trashing him. I have always liked Bird AND, as I have been saying for a while 2018 is making me smile. We finally have hitters again. We even have some pitching and, if the superhero moron named CashMan doesn't trade the farm for a few bad pitchers, we can hope and dream again. And who knows? Anything can happen in a two game series, but I'm not going to get my hopes up. I'll enjoy today, pray that Joey Binders loses his reading glasses, and think about the Hot Stove Season, which I am finally looking forward to again for the first time in years. Good luck tonight with your "hope," everybody.

Parson Tom said...

I feel bad about that little bird flying into the chipper. Not a pretty picture, 13bit, but thank you for keeping the faith on our big Bird. I never gave up on him, we all knew he was good when healthy, but when would he be healthy.

el duque, thank you for sacrificing your vocal chords for last night's win. I personally thought I was sacrificing my sanity between games 2 & 3, watching little pieces of it drip, drip, drip down Chapman's face, off his hat, until there would be no more.

we've got our "best pitcher" going tonight, and even if he did only manage one-third of an inning last time out, that's hopeful, isn't it? Let's put a little scare into those bullies from Cleveland!

KD said...

Where is the moron who told us Gray>>>>>Tanaka by oh so many metrics? So many, many metrics. But wait...

Game scores: Tanaka 81, Gray 33.

JJ in MA said...

Every second the Yankee season continues after last night -- whether they win tonight and go on to take this series, the ALCS and WS in sweeps or they guy crushed this evening and go home -- is gravy, and should be enjoyed accordingly.

Thanksgiving came early last night for NYY fans and suitably enough it was the Bird that made the meal.

Alphonso said...

Chapman did utilize all of his caloric content last night, did he not? How can a person sweat like that and get outs? He can't be a factor tonight, but this is another day. Possibly, on this day, we can make a ninth inning like that one unnecessary.

Because we are back to the Betances man which may not be as bad a thing as we fear.

The real known, unknown is Luis.

The known, known, which will haunt us forever, is what happened in game two.

We can only hope that the unknown surpasses all knowns today.

Who knows?

It is another day.

And, as Duque says, there remains breath in the body.

But with Duque removed from that bar ( is he?), will the positive, Ju-Ju be in effect?

Or was it the Uj-Uj that pushed us over the top?

TheWinWarblist said...

Uj-Uj? Uj-Uj?!? Uj-Uj-Uj-Uj-Uj-Uj-Uj-Uj-AAÀÀAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!;++(!!!!!!!!???!!!!((!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAÀÀAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!;++(!!!!!!!!???!!!!((!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAÀÀAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!;++(!!!!!!!!???!!!!((!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michael Kurzdorfer said...

Did you forget Donnie Baseball in the 80's ?

Anonymous said...

CAWCAW!!!

BIRD'S BLAST WAS OFF ANDREW FUCKING MILLER!

THE TOUGHEST LEFTY RELIEVER IN THE SPORT! (NO DISRESPECT TO ZACH BRITTON).

WE GOT A WINNER HERE GUYS.

PLEASE, PLEASE STAY HEALTHY.

Anonymous said...

KD--moron of the small sample size. He will build you a game based on the results of two games, and thus lead you right into his hell of imbecility.

Anonymous said...

Hey KD--on one afternoon in August, Jacoby Ellsbury went 3-4 and Judge went 0-4. So KD, based on that one game, would have us play Ellsbury over Judge in the first game of the playoffs, putting Ellsbury in center and Hicks in right because Judge had one bad game? Or even one bad week? What kind of fucking moron bases his analysis of strategic choices not only on one game, but crows about his preferences based on the RETROACTIVE fait accompli of one game? The KD brand of moron, of course--accept no substitutes.

Anonymous said...

Hey KD (aka Klunky Dumb)--In September, Tanaka had two starts in which he gave up 7 earned runs IN EACH START--7 earned runs in only four innings on September 8, and 7 earned runs in 5.2 innings on September 22. You absolutely knew in advance, Teeny Weeny, that THAT abysmal Tanaka would not show up in the postseason and still might not show up when has far less rest to work on? And you don't think that his performance last night had something to do with those extra days of rest that he wouldn't have had if he had started the series? Really, dumbass? Gray, in addition to having better numbers in his season-long LARGE SAMPLE SIZE, never had a game that catastrophically awful all year. So stuff it up your ass, where the remnants of your brain stem are located, stupid lad.

Go away RS fan. said...

inadequate pee-pee pedophile anon must be very sad right now since his small-market (like his brain) RS are going home.

Buh-bye!

Rufus T. Firefly said...

" Blogger Michael Kurzdorfer said...

Did you forget Donnie Baseball in the 80's ?"

He was extraordinary for a good stretch there. Damn asshole Selig and the strike. Would have been his chance at the WS after suffering through some bad teams.

John M said...

You watch Gray, CC, and Tanaka in the regular season, and you know all of them are crapshoots. But get to the postseason and you know Gray should be in the pen, and the other two should be starters along with Severino.

No numbers, no odds, no stats. It's not quantifiable. You just know. How? Beats me. Maybe watching 4,000 games in a lifetime does teach you something. Maybe not. But if you didn't know Gray was the wrong guy in Game 1, you need to do some homework. There is such a thing as a "big game" guy. Where the edge can't be found in numbers, not completely. And vice versa, which is Gray. Hopefully that will change at some point down the road.

Anonymous said...

John M. -- King of the second-guessers--Gray didn't have a good start in game one, Tanaka had a good start in game 3, ergo, based on those absurdly small samples, "you just know." But by now we have a large enough sample of John M.'s unembarrassable stupidity to know that he's an incoherent jerk. Like millions of people over thousands of years watching the sun rise and set every day didn't teach them that no, it's the earth that revolved around the sun, until someone painstakingly collectd enough data and did enough THINKING to tell the truth about the shallow appearances that deceived the entire human race for aeons. But analysis and thought are not John M.'s strong points--just endless streams of drivel with no more intellectual rigor than you'd find in an owner's manual for a stand mixer. So I repeat to John M. what I already pointed out to his comrades-in-nescience, KD and Teeny Peenie:

In September, Tanaka had two starts in which he gave up 7 earned runs IN EACH START--7 earned runs in only four innings on September 8, and 7 earned runs in 5.2 innings on September 22. You absolutely knew in advance, John M., that THAT abysmal Tanaka would not show up in the postseason and still might not show up when has far less rest to work on? And you don't think that his performance last night had something to do with those extra days of rest that his fragile arm wouldn't have had if he had started the series? Really, dumbass? Gray, in addition to having better numbers in his season-long LARGE SAMPLE SIZE, never had a game that catastrophically awful all year. So stuff it up your ass, where the remnants of your brain stem are located, stupid lad.

Anonymous said...

his performance in game 3, not "last night."

Anonymous said...

Sorry, guys--but has no one else had it up to their eyeballs with logorrheic imbeciles using this blog as a toilet for the latest outpourings from their entrails? "You just knew" and "I've watched 4,000 games" and "I get messages from the baseball gods on Pluto through the fillings in my teeth" are what pass for baseball analysis on this blog?

Anonymous said...

SABR DOUCHE.....

IT'S NOW OBVIOUS FROM ALL YOUR POSTS.....

YOU'RE NOT WATCHING ENOUGH GAMES...

YOU NEED TO WATCH MORE GAMES....

REPORT BACK WHEN YOU DO.

THANK YOU.

Anonymous said...

FRIENDS AND FAMILY OF ALL CAPS--MEANING HIS KIDDIE PORN COLLECTION AND HIS WIND-UP SEX DOLL--PLEASE DIAL 911 AND GET HIM SOME HELP BEFORE EVERYONE ON THIS BLOG DIES OF TERMINAL EMBARRASSMENT.