Sunday, April 1, 2018

Okay, Mr. Boone, here's your first manager challenge: His name is Dellin.

Well, well, Mr. Boone. Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name! You've been managing now - what? - a whopping three whole days? Congrats are in order, because you've already seen a month's worth of crises, courtesy of the Yankee deep state. Right now you face:

1) a rapidly dwindling outfield, which is hilarious in a way, because the front office spent much of the winter trying to trade one or two of them, and it recently ditched Jake Cave, because of the surplus. We have Aaron Judge playing centerfield, and we might be sending Tyler Wade out there. This is starting to resemble the first base situation a few years back, when A-Rod, Beltran and Brian McCann took turns at terrifying their teammates.


2) Dellin Betances, a stopper who is intermittently unhittable and uncatchable, who cannot hold a runner on base, who cannot throw to a base, who cannot throw to a base, and who now and then grooves a gopher ball as if it were set on a golden tee. He's supposed to be our chief, eighth inning set-up man. Ha ha, to that, eh? 

For now, let's forget the outfield. Shit happens, and surely, in a worst case scenario, you can go into the crowd like the Chicago Blackhawks did this week and pull some accountant, right? Let's talk about Dellin. And let me be brisk: 

If you have any fucking idea of what to do, go for it.

Don't listen to Larry Rothschild. He's busy running his secret world banking cabal. If he knew how to solve Betances, he would have done it last fall. If Betances had been effective last October, the Yankees might have won the World Series, and you'd still be in the broadcast booth, talking about Joe Girardi. Nope. You're on your own, sir.

Last night, after the latest debacle - players literally running around the bases on Betances, without fear - you told reporters that players suffer "bumps on the road" during the long season. Sir, with all due respect to potholes, this isn't a bump. This is a chasm, the type that buses plunge off of. This is a lamb who has lost his way. He doesn't need a coach. He needs a shrink. He needs meds, he needs therapy, he needs long talks on a couch about his mom and dad, because right now, with Betances out there, no lead is safe. The world is still wondering who bit Beyonce? I wonder, who bit Betancres? I wish I knew what to do. Good luck. It's almost Day Four!

7 comments:

ranger_lp said...

Ya know who ruined Dellin....Randy Levine. That's right...Randy Levine. Part of his famous diatribe in 2017..."He just doesn't have it."

Randy's in his head. Dellin has nightmares hearing that quote over and over again and being told by dreamland Randy "I told you so." Dellin is damaged unfortunately and I don't see him being fixed, at least here. He might make a good Philly.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Amen, Duque!

And yes, I think Dellin is at a point where he would "benefit from a new environment."

Truly. I don't hold anything against the guy, who gave us some very good years and was one of the very few pitchers the Yankees ever developed during the Cashman years. But enough, already.

JM said...

Hear, hear. And Ranger might have a point, too, although it's a fragile psyche that collapses from Levine-isms....which is precisely what we have in Dellin. I'm serious about getting a sports psychiatrist and dumping Rothschild.

And I'll say it one more time: we should've traded Betances and Chapman, and kept Miller. Then we wouldn't have needed to sign Chapman to a big contract, and wouldn't have either late-inning head case to worry about.

But Cashman is a genius.

Anonymous said...

RANGER AND JOHN M.

RIGHT ON POINT.

Anonymous said...

Before we ship him out (selling low) they should contrive a way to send him down to Scranton to work on his mechanics. Have him throw a few shut out innings and then ship him out.

As I've said before, I can tell how I feel about a player overall by how I feel about them when they are at bat (or in this case - on the mound) I have not been happy to see Dellin in a game for quite a while now.

Doug K.

13bit said...

I agree with everybody on all points.

1. Levine destroyed his psyche, especially when he refused to compromise on the contract.
2.The big Chapman contract is a nightmare, as he is also a latent head case.
3. Miller is the guy who should be closing for us now.
4. We will - almost without doubt - have to get some serious closer, if one is even available, by July. At that point, we'll be so desperate that we will all happily acquiesce to gutting what's left of the farm system just in order to get one.
5. Dellin's best days in the stadium are behind us. He'll thrive again (WINK WINK) in a "new environment."

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