Saturday, August 24, 2019

In beer league uniforms, a beer league victory

So... we lived to see this... the New York Yankees, swaddled in black tights, the way a Death Star villain is supposed to look. If you hang around long enough, pigs will fly, the rain forests will burn, and Greenland will become the new Miami. And the New York fucking Yankees - winners of the 2009 World Championship! and owners of the most iconic uniform in sports - will dress like the bad ninjas in a Bruce Lee movie.

So much for tradition, eh? (By the way, you know what tops my bucket list? I hope to someday see the movie, "The Bucket List.") 

Today, I should be cooing contentedly over last night's 10-2 victory, and how it has salved the jangling nervous system of the Yankiverse, lessening our fear of a full-scale meltdown. We're still 1-3 on this West Coast hell-tour, but with every win, our hold on the AL East becomes more insurmountable. The Rays remain 8 games down in the loss column, with Boston 7 down in the Wild Card. For our enemies, Yankee wins are measured in dog's years. They are running out of time.

This morning, I should be lavishing praise upon Didi & company. But what the world witnessed last night was a beer league game played in suits worthy of Sluggo the Clown, a desecration of Yankee pinstripes that - were I a kid instead of a crinkly old codger - would surely drive me to the Mets. What disgrace. What humiliation. I mean, I get it that MLB isn't making enough money to cover its executive bar tab. I feel sorry for the owners and their fiercest brown-nosers, who surely are taking pay cuts - (or maybe they work as unpaid volunteers) - hence the "Players Weekend" excuse to sell surreal merchandise at kingly prices.  

This weekend, I don't see the Rockies or Astros flushing down the toilet any grand sartorial legacy. (Especially Houston, which used to offer the ugliest uniforms in pro sports; I still think Craig Biggio should have been denied Cooperstown simply because of his ridiculous jersey.) These teams change wardrobes like Cher at the Copa. But the Yankees are - were - supposed to hold the line. We weren't supposed to print names on jerseys, or compound the mockery by giving nicknames, like cabana boys on a beach club reality TV show.

Okay, I sound like a leaky-underwear geezer who hates all change, the type who listens to Rush while watching Fox News. Yeah, my TV is used to being yelled-at. But the Yankees and Dodgers - did it have to be them? The two best teams in baseball... a nationally televised weekend showdown, a prelude to October... and it looks like the Phoenix School for Morticians taking on Bingo Long's Traveling All Stars... all so MLB can sell jerseys and buy Hal Steinbrenner a new island. (I hear Epstein's is up for sale?) 

At least we won. And it happened late at night, when we didn't have to watch. Still, if we lose the next two, this indignity is going to stick with us. Live long enough, and worse things than pigs will soar overhead.

49 comments:

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


Suggestion to the blogger: Fix that leaky underwear thing, you might feel better about a lot of things!!!

-- from a guy who lives in a 55+ community.....

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Bucket list is a great movie.

Any movie with Jack Nicholson OR Morgan Freeman usually is.

TheWinWarblist said...

We're all getting on towards the 55+.


Fuckfuckfuckfuck you Hal.

JM said...

I got back from two weeks visiting in-laws in Europe on Wednesday. In bed by 8:30. While we were away, we were informed that, after months of back and forth, our landlord decided he had to raise our rent so it matched the other three apartments in the building. Well, fair is fair. But after living here for 30 years--and facing a real estate market from Shitsville--I'm both shaken and stirred.

Thursday was spent obsessively scrolling through hundreds or thousands of real estate listings, with nothing to show for it. Bed by 10, getting the hang of the time zone lurching.

I've been waking up and my mind is racing already. Where to move? How? What about all our stuff? Downsizing is depressing, don't let anyone tell you different.

And then, last night. Last night I grabbed the Ketel and club, and watched the Yankees and the Dodgers. It was the first joy I've had in a while. I laughed at the pyjamas everybody was wearing. We puzzled over whatever the hell Didi's nickname was and what it meant. We celebrated as the Yankees took apart the fat Korean guy who was unbeatable at home and had an ERA of 1.64 or thereabouts.

We went to bed and slept the sleep of the sated and fairly inebriated. This morning I still woke up with my mind racing, and I'm still depressed. But there's a game at 4, and even though it's CC, ya never know.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

Oooooooh the joys of only listening to the game with The Master & Suzyn, true he 'paints' a vivid word portrait concerning the uniforms, but he's no surrealist, LOL!!!!!!!

Suggestion to Yankee pajama design department: white or grey pants would be a marginal improvement,,,,,

Urban Farmer formerly known as DutchFan said...

Gregorius' given name is Mariekson Julius Gregorius, and he was knighted in his native Netherlands for being part of the team that won the 2011 IBAF Baseball World Cup. Thus, Sir MJG.

ranger_lp said...

One takeaway is that we need to invoke The Pickles Rule...Paxton must wear the Big Maple jersey every time he pitches from now on.

Oasisdave said...

If this continues they need to keep wearing the black.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE RUSH...

I LOVE FOX...

I LOVE MR. DUQUE.

UNDERWEAR NOT LEAKING...YET. (58).

ON TO TODAY'S GAME.

THIS SHOULD BE, (BUT I KNOW IT WON'T BE), CC'S LAST STAND, IF HE DOESN'T PERFORM.

HE HAS BEEN MISERABLE OVER AND OVER AGAIN ESPECIALLY AGAINST GOOD HITTING TEAMS.

IF HE BOMBS OUT AGAIN TODAY, HE MUST BE RELEGATED TO BULLPEN DUTY, OR PREFERABLY AN AROD TYPE, SHOVE TOWARD TO DOOR.

PAXTON WAS GREAT, BUT IT IS MYSTIFYING WHY WE DON'T SEE MORE OF THESE PERFORMANCES... HE HAS GREAT STUFF.

MET HATS ALL AROUND.

YESTERDAY WAS LIKE OXYGEN.

NEED MORE AIR TODAY.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, those outfits were terrible. It's like watching two teams of ninja fighting against each other. The NY Snake Eyes V. the California Storm Shadows.

TheWinWarblist said...

It was like a terrible Spy vs Spy comic.

Did anyone notice that Judge pulled his homerun to left? He looked more comfortable/flexible.



Oh fuck you Hal, fuck you Hal, oh dear Hal fuck yooooouuuuu!!!

Carl J. Weitz said...

I'm not saying that the baseball executive who thought of doing a "wear whatever you want uniform weekend" has the mind of a child but Jeffrey Epstein's ghost was seen trying fuck it yesterday.

Carl J. Weitz said...

trying to fuck it*

HoraceClarke66 said...

"What a difference a day makes
24 little hours..."

Not saying it means anything, really. But there were encouraging, unexpected signs of life from The Judge and Sancho of late.

Will this team turn it around and win the Series?

No.

I'm still not sure it will hang on to win the division, as the Witness Protection Rays do their Baltimores. I'm still not sure they'll even make the Wild Card.

They have no pitching—end of story when it comes to another ring.

BUT...I WOULD like to see them avoid an epic, dispiriting meltdown. I WOULD like to see Judge have at least part of another season in the sun.

Not saying that even these modest goals are achievable. But...

HoraceClarke66 said...

Duque—as someone who has already motored past 55 like it was standing still—I'm with you.

We NEED some old man crankitude.

The other day an old friend—someone my age!—was telling me that I should be less pessimistic about the world in general.

At the moment she said this, a TV above our heads was showing the entire Amazon on fire. Next it shifted to a story about Korea Kim testing another missile. Then about how the market had dropped 600 points.

I think the word she was looking for was not so much "optimism" as "denial."

JimmyEatsHotDogs said...

Stay cranky but keep your sense of humor :). After the debacle in Oakland I'll take last nights win and who cares about the Unis. Just keep the "flow" moving!

JM said...

CC wants to hit a homer today. That would be nice, make up for the ones he'll cough up.

If he gets on base, somehow I don't think he'll try to steal second. Just a feeling.

HoraceClarke66 said...

I think he'll need a record-breaking, five-home-run day to make up for those.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Hey Doug K, loved your alternative nicknames.

And Rufus, I do not envy you your tickets in the Fens. The slumber Sox monster has awakened again, and is likely to erupt in a number of blowouts before accepting an October-less season. Your New York Yankees will surely be one of the teams they beat into a pulp.

JM said...

Urban Farmer, I thank you for the Didi info.

ranger_lp said...

I think Aaron Judge is back...

Rufus T. Firefly said...

When did Frank Zappa start pitching for the Dodgers?

Did he bring his Mexican poncho and zircon encrusted tweezers?

Rufus T. Firefly said...

...and who the fuck are you calling cranky!?!?

GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!!!

JM said...

Mister, can we have our ball back?

JM said...

CC wasn't bad. The Dodgers pitched a guy the Yankees didn't know, a kid, so they couldn't hit him.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Just this once. Don't let it happen again!


In Catholic grade school, the nun that was too nasty to even be let into the school, was the nun that was the cook and housekeeper for the convent next door. Miserable nasty bitch that would never even say hello. But if your ball went onto the grass (with the rope line like Studio 54 -- actually string), she would chase you with a broom if you tried to retrieve it. THAT was cranky!

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Her name was Sister Aloysius. I am certain she did not go to heaven.

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

I also think Aaron Judge is black. Doesn’t everyone think he’s black?

JM said...

Isn't he biracial?

Which in America is black, I guess.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Are we talking "one drop" South Africa here?

Judge is a 'Merican.

So Frank Zappa gave way to Machine Gun Kelly, who looks like Bob2 from Devo.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

...then they knock him out and Boner pinch hits for the guy who hit one off the wall last AB.

JM said...

Mark Mothersbaugh did the music for a commercial I did back about 30 years ago. He wore slightly peculiar outfits, pretty geek-cool.

JM said...

The Sanchez PH was stupid. Stoooooopid.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Are we not men was pretty groundbreaking, but Whip It was when they jumped the shark.

13bit said...

Trade Judge for pitching while he still has some value. We need to be ruthless.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

The umpires continue to screw the Yankees.

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

So who is gonna win this for us, Ushela or Tauchman?

JM said...

This is all kinds of fucked up.

JM said...

Yes!!!!!

JM said...

Shit, two outs.

And ICS.

JM said...

Fucking Boone.

Fucking Sanchez.

ranger_lp said...

Judge and Gardner still can't get a fair strike zone. Not fucking right.

ranger_lp said...

Mark Mothersbaugh of Devo fame....

HoraceClarke66 said...

I remember them on SNL. They had the best music then.

"Whip It" was there attempt to birth punk-disco. Which died a-bornin', with few regrets.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Well, yeah...another day, another loss. Pitching better, Judge better...Sanchez backsliding.

Fortunately, the Tampa Bay Leafs dropped one to Baltimore (time for a Nelson-on-the-Simpson-style, "Ah-HA!"). So, no real consequences.

But boy does this look like a team out of sorts, and with every game they further affirm that they don't have a prayer in October.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Hoss, the consequences are if, by some miracle, the Yankees meet the Trolley Dodgers in the World Series, home field will be a large advantage. Especially when the Merry Pranksters -- er, I mean Sterling Huckleberries, show up to the home games.

We need LA to go on one of their patented 20 game loss strings.

A guy can hope, can't he?

HoraceClarke66 said...

Rufus, if this team were to get as far as the World Series, it would mean that they were already on a run rarely spied before, and all bets would be off.

It looks right now like Boston won't make the playoffs, which is great.

But for this Yankees team to get past (Julie) TB (Sheets), Cleveland, Oakland, or especially Houston...impossible—barring a run of miracles that ain't been seen on this side of Lourdes.

Urban Farmer formerly known as DutchFan said...

Obviously we have reviews too, albeit in soccer. Hate it that things get analyzed to a point that things that cannot be seen with the naked eye get to decide situations and entire games.

However......... one of the things they made standard practice is to let a situation play out before they blow a whistle or time out.
This leads to odd moments now. Guys that are literally 10 yards offside get to shoot on goal just in case there might be a review. But in general it works, because it is virtually impossible to make mistakes that cannot be rectified.

It should have been impossible to have that home plate call time before the Yankees scored the run. That should be the modus operandi if not the rule.

On the other hand, even though he is Dutch and therefore a hero, Janssen should not be able to get Tauchman and ICS to whiff. Even worse, actually strikeout the side.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Damned straight, Urban "Shocker" Farmer!