Friday, August 9, 2019

Savor this run, because the omens for October are not so hopeful

Good morning, pilgrim. Don your silken robe, take a blue pill, and welcome to the First-Ever IT IS HIGH Pure Pleasure Palace. Don't worry about those bodies passed out on the couch. You have absolutely nothing to fear, as long as you remember the safe word: Colter Bean.

So... I hear you've been a naughty fan? Don't worry, I'm not getting our the bat-o-nine-tails. Instead, we're drawing a warm Calgon bath, pouring a snifter of Harvey's Bristol Cream, putting Manilow onto the Harman/Kardon speakers, and massaging your heavily corned barkers, as you peruse this laminated print-out of pure, unadulterated Yankee self-pleasure...

Batting stats over the last seven games. 
  

(Warning: The above may be harmful to readers with heart conditions, documented memory loss, and/or who are expecting a child or 28th world championship.)

Okay, are you there? Can you still hear me? Blink...

You are now pondering the statistical profile of a Yankee lineup at full, warp 10, out-of-control, Chernobyl-level nuclear explosiveness. This is nearly unprecedented. It won't get better than this, probably not in our lifetimes: You're riding a 10-game winning streak. We have five guys hitting over .400. Nearly 4 HRs per game. The best record in baseball, stomping through a field of nippled tomato cans, Boston included. Breathe.

Tell yourself to remember this wonderful, eternal moment.

Come October, that's all it will be: A memory. 

In my Yanko-masochistic role, I now offer five reasons why this team will not win a trip down the Canyon of Heroes. 

1. Pitching.
2. Pitching.
3. Pitching.
4. Pitching.
5. Come October, w
e'll go with "the stars" rather than players who got us there.

COLTER BEAN! COLTER BEAN! COLTER BEAN!

Sorry, everyone. I didn't mean to bring pain. 

But over this 10-game luxury streak, opponents averaged about 4 runs per game. We've bludgeoned our way to victories, but when we face a real staff - like Houston, Cleveland or the Dodgers - four runs is too much. We still have no ace, no one starter on which we can rely. Last night, ahead 8-0, our supposed No. 1, Domingo German, barely made it through the fifth. The Jays were teeing off. And one message remains clear across the Yankiverse: No lead is ever safe.

It's hard to imagine Gio Urshela and Mike Tauchman staying this hot through August, much less September-October. It just cannot happen. Soon - like tomorrow - Gary Sanchez will return, sending Austin Romine to the bench and Kyle Higashioka to Scranton. When Giancarlo Stanton and Aaron Hicks heal, they will take over for Tauchman and Cameron Maybin. Nothing can stop this from happening. It's the Yankee way. 

We are battering the AL East with a wondrous brutality that we may never enjoy again in our Yankee fan lives. Enjoy it, folks. But the flaws on this team are not going away. It's hard to imagine such a luxurious October. Colter Bean. Colter Bean. Colter Bean... 

18 comments:

13bit said...

Yep.

Exaxtamundo.

Unknown said...

Do you think Giancarlo sees what’s happening and knows that if he comes back and underperforms and benches the likes of Maybin and Tauchman - that that will be hosbtocket out of NYC? Imagine that! If he’s afraid to come back and play knowing that at $27M a year there’s a couple of $500K a year guys playing far and away better than he could?

13bit said...

He may not have that much self-awareness, Unknown. He just likes to swing away, wherever he is, whatever uniform he's wearing, whatever the score, however the weather...all in service of his home run tally.

JM said...

Bitty, he won't swing away unless the pitch is two feet low and outside.

I'm in Austria, so it's already after 4 pm and I'm already hammered. And it's early yet.

God bless time zones.

Anonymous said...

WE JUST WON 9 IN A ROW, BUT ALL THE PAPERS AND MEDIA WANT TO TALK ABOUT IS THE METS.

SAME SHIT IN NY, FOREVER, WHEN THE METS START TO WIN, THE YANKEES GET DROPPED LIKE A HOT POTATO.

DON'T BUY ANY NEW YORK NEWSPAPERS. THEY ARE ALL BIASED IN EVERY WAY. DON'T THROW YOUR MONEY AWAY.

GETTING TO OCTOBER, I JUST CAN'T SEE HOW WE CAN BEAT HOUSTON.

THEY NOT ONLY HAVE VERLANDER, BUT THE OTHER STARTERS ARE SOLID TOO.

THE FUNNY THING IS THAT IS NOT EVEN THE MAIN REASON WHY I'M AFRAID OF THEM.

IT'S THE CLUTCH HITTERS THEY HAVE.

GURRIEL KILLS US IN THE CLUTCH.

SO DOES BRANTLEY, AND CORREA.

I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO ALTUVE.

NOT TO MENTION THE TALL NEW LEFT HANDED HITTER WHO KEPT HITTING UPPER DECK HOMERS AGAINST US, ALVAREZ.

DID I MENTION VERLANDER? (IN MULTIPLE GAMES)?

2 THINGS MUST HAPPEN FOR US TO PULL THIS OFF AGAINST HOUSTON.

#1) WE MUST HAVE THE BEST RECORD IN ORDER TO SECURE HOME FIELD.
#2) WE MUST GET LUIS SEVERINO BACK, 100% HEALTHY, AND EFFECTIVE LIKE HE WAS THE
FIRST HALF OF LAST YEAR.

THESE ARE THE KEYS.

IF SEVY MAKES IT BACK, I JUST CAN'T SEE HIM MAKING THAT BIG AN IMPACT (BECAUSE OF HIS HEALTH ISSUES).....

....BUT STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED.

PRAY FOR "STRANGER THINGS".




Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...

Re:

"It's hard to imagine Gio Urshela and Mike Tauchman staying this hot through August, much less September-October."

For me, it's hard to imagine these 2 guys being hot at all, right now; being in the major leagues; being on the Yankee team; starting game after game; and shouldering (together) a major share of the load in the team's forging of a 10-1 record.

So for all of the crap I would happily pour on the head of Brian Cashman, he apparently did SOMETHING right. At least these 2 guys. And let's not forget the signing of Curtis Lemay -- which saved the season.

Don't hate me b/c I said something nice about him. I still think the pitching situation is a shambles. The only way for the NYYs to have a shot at the World Series is for the roster to consist of 15 pitchers (11 in the bullpen, 4 starting pitchers to go 3-4 innings each).

That leaves 8 starters at the various field positions, one DH, and one spare catcher. Without this, there will be a startling shortage of post-season victories.

Anonymous said...

Nice piece in today's NYT about Clint:

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/09/sports/baseball/clint-frazier-yankees.html

Ed Davies said...

Judge's ABs last night were painful to watch. While the rest of the team is feasting on the horrible pitching being served up, Judge is struggling to make solid contact. Clearly he could use some rest, but I'm wondering if he thinks the oblique won't get much better until the off season, so he and the team are choosing to muddle through.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Joe FOB, we always give props where props are due, and you are absolutely right: Cashman put together some monster depth. Kudos to him—and I'd ALWAYS rather be wrong about Coops. It would mean the Yankees are winning.

But what doth it profit a man if he gaineth the whole world and has not pitching? Huh?

HoraceClarke66 said...

ALL-CAPS, I agree. There is no possible way we can get past them.

We have to hope for some sort of intervention, such as their whole team getting the flu—the excuse given by Pedro the other day for why his 2009 Phillies could not beat us, despite getting two wins from their ace.

Personally, I'm hoping they're looking forward to us, and overlook, say, Tampa Bay or Minnesota, which takes them out in a three-game series before they fully realize what's happening.

Though even then, we'd have to beat the Dodgers!

Still, this team seems to have some sort of aura about it...an aura that will doubtless fade once we start playing good teams again...

HoraceClarke66 said...

So, after 3 more in Toronto and 4 at home against Baltimore, the Beating Up Birds part of the schedule ends.

Starting on 8/15—Napoleon's birthday!—we have:

4 vs. the red-hot Cleveland Napoleons (once actually their name)

3 at Oakland

3 at Dodger Stadium

3 in Seattle

3 at home against the Athletics

3 vs. Texas

4 up in Fenway (shudder)

Before things ease off a mite for the final 17 contests of the season.

That's a pretty tough, 23-game skein. But it should tell us something. Something gruesome, perhaps. But something!

Yankee Daddy Roger said...

IS LIVE, OR IS IT MEMOREX? How can you not love Gio and Sockman? But two homers in a game?
Homers to the opposite field, which Gardner for one hasn't done in his whole career? Obviously, as Jawn would say, it is the same ball for everybody-- but doesn't it cheapen these statistics when so much of it is a product of the juiced ball? These records that are being broken because of the ball--I dunno, I enjoy it, but the baseball purist looks askance at these performances almost in the same way as, in hindsight, all the homerun records were broken in the steroid era.

Carl J. Weitz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Carl J. Weitz said...

True, 8/15 is Olde Hand In the Coat's birthday. But I remember that date as being my twins birthday in 1990.

Here's how the Yankees have a chance against Houston (providing that Bettances, Sevarino and Montgomery are all healthy enough to pitch.

Game 1: Sevarino and Bettances 3-4 innings each.

Game 2: German.

Game 3 Montgomery and Paxton 3-4 innings each.

Game 4: Tanaka and CC 3-4 innings each.

Repeat (if necessary).

Put Happ in the bullpen

Keep Tarpley, Holder, Cessa off the roster. Add Ben Heller, if healthy. Only pitch Green and Cortez in a game that they are way ahead or behind in.

I think the Yankees COULD be competitive with this setup.

Carl J. Weitz said...

If Loaisiga is healthy again, replace CC with him after Tanaka opens the fourth game or have him replace Cortez on the playoff roster.

13bit said...

Carl, I actually like that plan. You can't predict baseball, my friends...

HoraceClarke66 said...

I'm still hoping on the flu bug.

I did notice that Rosie Ruiz died. It seems to me that the Sox are still hoping to be the Rosie Ruiz of this season, jump in at the last minute and then win it all. Or maybe that's the Mets...

Anonymous said...

YANKS TRADE FOR PITCHER AFTER DEADLINE!!!

https://nypost.com/2019/08/09/how-yankees-pulled-off-joe-mantiply-trade-a-week-after-deadline/