Tuesday, August 6, 2019

"One of us, one of us!"

Last night, one of the Knights of the Press Box asked Ma Boone whether Mike Ford had tweaked something when he had to stretch for a ball at first late in the game.

No, Ma told the pressman.  In fact, Boone added, looking a little baffled, Ford had been surprised when asked if he was okay.

Weird, huh?  But it's true:  Mike Ford has a normal, human body, the kind that does not rip or tear when you make the slightest sudden or unusual movement.

This may be hard for modern management to understand, but you see, Mike's body is much like ours, in that it does NOT come completely apart and require ten days' bedrest when, say, we have to run for a bus or reach for something on an upper shelf.

Later, on SNY's Sportsnite, they were making fun of his physique.

That's right.  Mike Ford probably CAN NOT bench press 500 pounds.  He is not built like a professional bodybuilder, or a weightlifter or a middle linebacker because...get ready, here's the big reveal...he is NOT a bodybuilding or a weightlifter or a linebacker.

Mike Ford is a baseball player, whose duties include being able to show up ready to play everyday for a good six months or more.  If he's good enough, he will, it is to be hoped, do this year in and year out.

Sure, there's plenty of fat there.  Like that in all of us human beings, it gurgles and rolls with each movement, falling back more or less in place.

All around it, assorted tendons, ligaments, and muscles stretch and rebound gently, never having been fine-tuned to the snapping point on a routine catch or slide, or even a hard swing.

Mike Ford may never provide us with the production that a Giancarlo Stanton will—though I would say, considering the amount of time that Mr. Stanton has already spent on the EL in his career, this is an even-money proposition.

But I think we can rest assured that no one is ever going to tell us that Mike Ford is "still far from resuming baseball activities."  He's too busy doing human being activities.

ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US...
 



37 comments:

ranger_lp said...

At least he's doing baseball activities unlike someone we all know and...

"For the Yankees, there's a Ford in your future! Mike is Ford tough!"

13bit said...

Gigantic Stanton from Scranton
Jacoby Pillsbury

TheWinWarblist said...

Saquon Barkley is an absolutely stunning specimen of humankind. But he has to be. He plays professional football, at running back. Careers are short and the punishment brutal. An ordinary athlete would be destroyed at RB. Baseball is different. Obviously. Durability is key to every great career. Even that injury-ridden, fat tub of goo John Kruk played 1200 games over 10 years. He was a career .300 hitter with a career OPS+ of 134, worth 25+ career WAR. "I'm not an athlete; I'm a baseball player," he said on more than one occasion. So correct and proper, despite being a big idiot with a batting eye. I'd happily take 2.5 WAR and a 134 OPS+ every year from Ford. Hoist another beer Tubby ... as long as you continue to RAKE to yard!!



TheWinWarblist said...

Harken to my Words! WAR is a Counting Stat! If You aren't Playing, We aren't Counting!



Fuck You Hal! Fuck You! Fouck You! And Fuck Youk Too!

TheWinWarblist said...

{See what I did there?}

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Favorite Kruk story-- wearing the T-shirt that said "If you don't let me play, I'll take my ball and go home."

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


All I care about is if the SOB can hit.

Smoky Burgess is credited (on the MLB website) as being 5-foor-8, 185 pounds. I believe he wasn't that tall, and WAS poundier.

Here's what the guy did in 4471 career ABs: .295 BA, .807 OPS.

In 1966, at age 39, relegated to a PH, he hit .313. Stole 2 bases that year (I presume those were accidents).

TheWinWarblist said...

Batter missed the hit and run sign.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


Sorry for the intentional cross-post...

We are working on a draft email now for August 12th logistics. It's been a crazy week for work, so we (i.e., me) are running behind.

There are indeed 2 extra seats if anyone wants to invite a friend or any other reader/contributor wants to change his/her mind and attend. Please let us know here or reply to the email that will arrive shortly.

TheWinWarblist said...

Rain delay. Will it blow through?

TheWinWarblist said...

Holder has gotten through 2 scoreless innings on 20 pitches. What is that? What is happening? I'm so confused.

TheWinWarblist said...

Okay. I'm not confused anymore. Fucking Holder and fucking Nutsack for letting him go back out there.

TheWinWarblist said...

Oh good. Tarpley. Great. Game's on lock down. I can turn it off and go to sleep.

HoraceClarke66 said...

When they said Holder was the opener, I wondered if that meant he was going to hold the door open for all the runners to score. But maybe he's found his role.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Blast it, El Conquistador has left the game. The Miracle of The Gleyber may have been overrated.

HoraceClarke66 said...

And yeah, that's what I'm talking about, Warbler!

In all these other sports, guys compete against each other. They have to be big enough or fast enough or both to win out. In NONE of these other sports do they play everyday.

In baseball, they compete against the ball. And they have to do it everyday. That's what counts.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Warbler, you also make an excellent point about WAR, which answers my age-old question: WAR, what is it good for?

As a counting stat, it tells you something!!

And with Giancarlo, it ain't tellin' us much these days.

13bit said...

Torres pulled again? Maybe not such a great idea to bring him back from the Death Star Death List so quickly?

Okay, I have to go follow a small dog around Greenwich Village.

JM said...

At a Stray Cats show. Fucking great.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Frazier woulda had it.

Or not.

TheWinWarblist said...

I saw Brian Setzer fall off the stage at the Nassau Coliseum trying to play guitar, hop on one leg and pass a bottle of Jack to the audience. All at the same time. Broke his wrist: Colles' fracture. Saw him in the audience at a small club in a short arm cast later that month. Chuck Berry was playing. That was a great show too.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Real music.

JM said...

You bet. He's incredible.

ranger_lp said...

@HC66: "Absolutely nothing, listen to me"

Why is Tarpley on our roster?

TheWinWarblist said...

Oh lookie! The Ketchups lost to the Royals. How sad.

It seems they are 1-9 over their last 10 games.

Of course, Tarpley is still out there pitching, so good with the bad?

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Homey!

Rufus T. Firefly said...

I hope the Carmines lose every game for the rest of my life and until my bones decay to dust. Then I'd still want them to lose in the afterlife.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Yeah, good to see the Sox go down again.

Our game is a perfect illustration of how ridiculous it was not to sign Keuchel, at least.

If he's out there tonight, we are coasting to victory. Instead, best-case scenario is another pen-emptying nail-biter—despite another night when everyone's raking.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

I am going to bed. I couldn't get the video feed to work without huge pauses, now just the audio can't keep up. Fucking dsl.

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

First, I’d like to express my disappointment in Holder. There is nothing like a come from behind victory, and I thought a Holder start would guarantee it.

Second, todays memorable Sterlingism is “nowadays when a pitcher gets through six innings they celebrate him like Lindbergh”

Third, todays “only on radio moment”. I guess someone got bopped in the head with a baseball. Here’s a verbatim transcript:
[crowd, John, and Suzyn see it live] “Oww!”
[John and Suzyn see replay on Yes] “OOOOOWWWWW!”
[crowd see replay] “OOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!”
Then repeat five more times with John and Suzyn reacting identically but out of sync with crowd as they watch it on Yes, and 15,000 people see the replay separately.

I guess you had to hear it live, I was fairly amused.

ranger_lp said...

Gardy!

HoraceClarke66 said...

Hilarious, BJPB!

Tauchman...is now officially unreal. Home run, double, steal of third, homer-saving catching in left (wrestled out of the grasp of some idiot in a Jeter shirt; isn't there ANY way we can keep those idiots from traveling?).

Tauchman now at .441 in his last 21 games, with 7 doubles, 6 homers, 20 runs scored, 22 driven in, and an .808 slugging average.

He was last seen leaving the park with someone named "Lola."

"He sneezed and blew away a calf!
His laughter ripped a barn in half!
Like sevens come, elevens come
Like manna from the heavens come
He's Hammerin' Mike from the Jersey Pike!"

HoraceClarke66 said...

ALMOST scored the trifecta tonight.

A win, a Sox loss...and the Blue Jays blew a 6-0 lead, and lost 7-6 in 10 to Tampa. Bummer. But our cup still runneth over. We liketh that.

JM said...

Socks 15.5 back. This is gluttonous. TB 9 back. Our protective cups runneth over.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Which makes me think: If Gleyber and Judge really are injured—which they almost certainly are—NOW is the time to EL them and get them better.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

"wrestled out of the grasp of some idiot in a Jeter shirt; isn't there ANY way we can keep those idiots from traveling?"

You'd think a real fan wouldn't want to catch the ball with a bunch of kids around (unless its one worth real money). I've caught a few on ricochets and promptly gave them all to kids.

But really WTF?

What is with the name on the shirts? I HATE those. Another mlb plot to make you pay 10x the price for a 'real' shirt.

The one shirt I'd like to buy with the NAB?

A. A. Ron

Yankee Daddy Roger said...

Yes! Tod Browning 1932 film reference! "Freaks" ONE OF US! ONE OF US! WE ACCEPT HIM! ONE OF US!
Was this intentional? If so, on behalf of us Pinheads, we thank you. So little recognition, so many decades.