Virtual Baseball: Splish-Splash, Birds Take a Bath!

The Virtual Yankees managed to hang on for a seven-hour win in the Bronx tonight, once again roughing up the bumbling Birds of Baltimore, 15-10.

It looks like the game would be a breeze at first, with Clarke Schmidt holding a 12-0 lead through five innings, thanks to two home runs by Gleyber Torres and shots from Luke Voit, Gio Urshela, Gary Sanchez, and Aaron Hicks.

But then the rains came, and after an hour-long delay Schmidt hit the showers and the Orioles began to hit in-cessantly.  Off Luis Cessa.  Get it?

In his four innings of work, Cessa threw 130 pitches and gave up ten runs, but the Yankees held on thanks to yet another homer by The Gleyber.  When the soggy marathon finally ended in the wee small hours of the morning, Manager Ma Boone leapt up from his seat in the dugout, exclaiming, "YES!  He did it!"

Boone then collected $200 from every man on the bench, all of whom had wagered that Cessa could not get through the rest of the game.

"Oh, yeah, Laura needs a new pair of shoes!" Boone said, though he admitted after the game that his wife already has, in fact, 400 pairs of shoes.

Ace Gerrit Cole had been scheduled to pitch tonight, but Boone told him to get some more rest, telling the press, "Frankly, I don't want to waste someone as good as Cole on garbage like these Orioles.  No offense!"

Yankee Aaron "The Glass Gavel" Judge also volunteered to play, having now sat out all the days required under MLB's Otherworldly Twister Injury Protocol.  But Boone waved him off, as well.

"Get hurt against a real team," he told the fragile giant.  "Just sayin'."