Virtual Baseball: In Again Out Again, Up Again Down Again! Yanks Fall Out of First. Rats.

In Virtual Baseball tonight, the virtually lifelike Tampa Bay Rays, the Jimmy Young of baseball teams, managed to bob, weave, and outpoint their way to a 4-3 win over the Yankees.

New York starter Clarke Schmidt showed flashes of brilliance once again, in his exciting rookie year, but was undone by a bad fourth inning. After Yoshi "The Unpronounceable" Tsutsugo hit a gift triple over the head of a stumbling Clint Frazier, Schmidt's next pitch got past catcher Gary Sanchez, allowing Tsutsugo to tscore.

The passed ball seemed to unnerve Schmidt, who walked the next two batters, and then was betrayed by his defense once again, when Gleyber Torres threw a tailor-made double-play grounder by Ji-Man Choi into right field, and Luke Voit then botched a routine grounder from Manuel Margot.

When the dust had cleared, the Yanks were in a hole they could not quite climb out of, despite a long home run by Voit and a two-run double from "Walkie" Tauchman off TB starter Blake "The Poet" Snell, that finished Snailie's night in the seventh.

The Bombers almost rallied against TB closer Nick Anderson in the ninth, loading the bases—only to be thwarted on a magnificent, diving catch in centerfield by Kevin Kiermaier, which robbed second base sub Thairo Estrada of what would have been a walk-off, extra-base hit.

Afterwards, front-running Yankees fans littered the field with their Pharaoh headdresses in disgust, and the Rays celebrated by collectively mooning the Bronx unfaithful.

"What sort of insane perverts would even think of doing such a thing?" wondered Yankees heir(or) Hal Steinbrenner.