Just 2 losses... but they feel like 10

As the Scooter used to say, I gotta take a pill.

Hard to say which hurt the most: Sunday's 8th inning debacle or last night's horror show.

Yeah, it's April -- but those two games have clobbered several notions we were joyfully taking for granted.

1. Chien-Ming Wang is poised for a comeback.

Right now, he's poised for deportation. I give him two more starts, then he goes to Tampa and gets electroshock. We weren't supposed to be turning to Bret Tomko (Sidney Ponson II) this early.

2. We'll be injury-free this year, because we suffered more than our share last year.

In the dark caves of our minds lurks the terror: What if Teixeira is Portuguese for Pavano? What if he needs surgery? Thanks to their track record of boldface lies to the press, the team's claim that he's fine means nothing. (They also claim we're winning the war on drugs.) We already lost a game because our 1B Bucknered a grounder. Swisher -- bless his heart -- doesn't look like a CF-1B. He looks like a beer league DH.

3. The bullpen doesn't need a long man.

Remember that chestnut from March of 2009? That's why we kept Jessica Alba, who served the grand slam last night. Two weeks ago, he was lights out. It begs a question that has nagged me since the sad saga of Christian Parker several years ago: Do we push young pitchers too hard in Tampa? Once they come north, the stars of spring training seem to lose 5 mph. It's almost as if they have nothing left.

4. The bridge to Mariano is strong.

Bridge? What bridge? Who -- WHO -- in this bullpen can be counted on right now? Jose Veras? Edwar? Gimmie a break. Those guys are fricking bipolar. The sleek and sexy Brian Bruney? Phil Coke? Marte? Yeesh. I might try Swisher for the role. Down in Scranton, Robertson and Melancon are throwing balls through walls. So was everybody else in spring training. What happened?

Remember: For all of Girardi's fukkupidness last season, his strong point was in keeping the bullpen intact. (The anti-Torre.) He knows what he's doing. But he couldn't have expected this.