Thursday, December 5, 2013


Merry Christmas, Boston cheapos.

In the terrible days after 9-11, the tragically anorexic beauty, Ann Coulter, made a name for herself by declaring that,  "We should invade (Arab) countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity." Many people assumed Ms. Coulter was a mere nutcase reactionary, speaking via a time portal from 1291.  

She was, in fact, outlining the New York Yankees' future strategy.

Thus, Bostonians... when you hang your sheer red stockings next to the chimney this month, I trust you'll take a moment to ponder the consequences of what you have done.

Last time, it was Johnny Damon. This time, it's Jacoby Ellsbury.

Don't make us have to do this again. Someone will get seriously hurt. Are we understood here? DON'T MAKE US DO THIS AGAIN.

Sometime soon, we will march Jacoby into the public square and execute his beard. It will be shown on television, and your children will be forced to watch. I hope you will be happy then.

1 comment:

Ron Burgundy said...

I agree, I say hack the Hollywoodian! Mustache maybe.