Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Open letter to Mr. Hal Steinbrenner: It's time for the Yankees to lead America out of this deep, long recession. SPEND, SIR, SPEND!

Dear Sir,

In the last 24 hours, the Yankees have signed Jacoby Ellsbury and Kelly Johnson, and traded Chris Stewart to Plattsburgh, or someplace that sounds like it.

On behalf of the Yankiverse, the city of New York, the United States of America, and the European Common Union, I say this:

More, Mr. Steinbrenner, more!

Sir, for decades, the Yankees have acted as a symbolic financial windsock pointing out the future of the American economy. Last year, for reasons that may have seemed sound logic at the time, the franchise cheeped like an Easter hatchling, a policy that was summed up by GM Brian Cashman as: "Beggars can't be choosers."

For an entire year, the U.S. economy floundered. Joblessness wreaked havoc on good Americans. And the Yankees failed. 

You can change world history, if not the American League East.

Tis the season to spend, to lift America from its doldrums.

Carlos Beltran? Meh. Maybe poor old Carl held out a day too long. Put his head on a pike and leave it as a warning to others: Sign now, because the train is leaving the station.

Hiroki Kuroda? Sign him. Robbie Cano? Push him. Hard. Matt Garza? A perfect fifth starter. Masahiro Tanaka? Yes. Sinn-Soo Choo, why not?

Last year, you sought to reach a ridiculous $189 million payroll. You wanted to save pennies. You ended up losing dollars.

Get over it. Soar above the $189 million mark. When Bud Selig whines, DOUBLE the $189 million mark. TRIPLE IT.

News Corp. recently bought 49 percent of the YES Network for $3 billion. You have controlling interest. And that's not counting the Yankees themselves.

More, Mr. Steinbrenner, more!

Look... I will never criticize you again. If Alphonso bashes you, or the IIH commentators hit on you, I will defend you. If you want, I will do your laundry. Would you like us to touch up your portrait, maybe take a few years off the chin? We can do that. We can get good tickets to events in Syracuse. You can be my guest.


1 comment:

KD said...

It's the Yankee version of cash for clunkers.