Sunday, December 8, 2013
Posted by Alphonso at 11:59 AM
You all know the story. Three wise men, traipsing through the desert , eating curds, whey and mescaline, arrive at some sacred place where no new born talent is thriving.
In this case, and I add this modestly, the three wise men, along with their required asses, are Alphonso, Mustang and, of course, El Duque ( The lead goat herd and mule driver).
We three kings have found ( identified ) a somewhat tested, baby Yankee outfielder (not named Jesus), who has shined ( like those guiding stars ) in the Dominican winter league. He is fleet, a good defender, and he hit .315 in a league whose pitchers are all better than Pineda.
His name, known already to the Yankee world, is Almonte. We have him because he was never exposed to the draft. If he had been, the Yankees would have selected Cito Culver's younger brother, Phido, whose a better baseball player than Cito ( so is El Duque ), but whose forte is pingpong and he is threatening to enroll at Albany State.
So we three kings knocked at Cashman's door where, after rappelling down an abandoned mud-brick building somewhere in Galilea, he greeted us in toga and thorns.
"What is it," he asked. " What frankincense and myrrh have you brought for our cause? How do you plan to worship me and my bearded friends?"
"Sir Brian," we exclaim, "we bring you a tax refund from Caesar Augustus, in the Dominican Republic." His name is Almonte and he can play. He is only 25. You must make room in the Yankee INN for HIM."
After chewing on some straw, Sir Brian replied," we have six senior veterans and a DH spot that must be retained for Derek Jeter. So I am forced to smote you, your dumb asses, and your gift, swaddling clothes notwithstanding. " However," he bespoke: " Do you have any gold? Or some live goats?"
Mustang retorted quickly, " But sir, you have numerous old goats already. Why not take on one yearling? One yearling for whom the stars seem aligned?"
"Go fuck yourself," sayth Brian, as he slammed the manger door.
And to all a good night.