Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Posted by el duque at 8:28 AM
The 2015 Yankees actually looked interesting.
I bet you - like me - actually thought the Empire would trust its $200 million, third-place dynasty to a rookie 2B. What manner of fools are we! Yesterday's rumor said Willie Randolph - a once-upon-a-time rookie 2B - would become a coach, and maybe he'd groom a new fairy tale rookie - like old Robby Wazhizname - into a star 2B. What a concept: A rookie infielder.
Of course, that's soo last millennium. A Yankee 2B should be 33 or over, and preferably a pull hitter who - when confronted by an over-shift - swings harder. Last August, when Stephen Drew was hitting Mily Cyrus' weight, that's what he did. He was hitting .160, but refused to bunt because of the Teixeira Rule: Nobody gets paid to bunt.
Forgive me. I don't mean to rip Stephen Drew. It's not his fault. We could do worse. We could have signed him for two years, like Brandon Ryan. A one-year deal? Hell, we can do a year. He'll get time-off for bad behavior. By July, he could be the trade chip that brings Ryan Howard to NYC. One year? That's nothing!
Trouble is, who wants to fathom it? It's so boring. Maybe we should devote this blog to Chris Christie. IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAR, IT IS... eaten.
Insert sigh here.
Well, what's done is done. Last year, around now, we signed Brian Roberts, Mister O's. He flailed for three months, and then they dumped him like a plate of bad clams. Now, it's clear that Rob Refsnyder and Jose Pirela can do whatever in spring training - (if they haven't been traded by then) - because their tickets are punched for Scranton. We have Drew, a player with a limitless downside and a diamond-hard ceiling. Best case scenario: .250 and 15 HRs, give or take a streak or slump. But if Drew starts hot and hits .330 through May, it just means he'll go 0-for-July. He'll reach his numbers. Ho-hum. If you know it's underwear, why even unwrap the gift?
But hey... Stephen Drew is a pro. He's a good guy. And it's only a year. One year, ONE YEAR, WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS, ONLY ONE YEAR. He's not the worst thing we could do. He's just one of the most boring-est.
For three years now, the Empire has floundered as a team - but dramatically withered as a topic of interest. We play .500 baseball, but we are in last place when it comes to fun. We have no rising star. There is no farewell tour. We have the saga of A-Rod, who probably will never see a pitch for us. And we have this Steiners Collectibles assortment of Headleys and Drews, Beltrans and McCanns - blah players who wear the jersey, the Danny Tartabulls and Danny Caters of the new Millennium. To make this season interesting, somebody needs to swap wives.
For a while, they had me fooled. Hey, how about this for the Christie blog: IT IS CHEWED, IT IS TASTED, IT IS... barfed?