Strategies to be used by Pentland and Cockrell - (not to be called "Pen and Cock") - the Yankees new "two-coach" system for hitters

The Yankees yesterday ended their long search for Kevin Long's replacement by signing two - yes, two - hitting coaches: the team of Jeff Pentland and Alan Cockrell - which are NOT to be called "Pen and Cock." Think of them as Jeff and Alan. Or Coach One and Coach Two. The Coaching Platoon.

Two coaches, you ask? What's the point? Well, there are several advantages.

1. Situational Coaches.

During crucial moments in the game, Girardi will go to Cockrell, using a completely different coaching methodology. This will upset the opposing pitcher, who expected a Pentland-taught batter. The opposing manager will go to the bullpen, not wanting his pitcher to face the Cockrell-coached swinger. Then Girardi will make the reverse switch! End result: They have burned a pitcher, and the Yankees will have the advantage!

2. Duo Injectable Coaching. 

The first coach stretches the batter's swing, tugging bad habits from their normal zone. The second coach comes along and instantly chops them off, resulting in a cleaner, smoother stroke, which girl fans dig.

The Yanks might add a third coach for September, when a man really needs to swing.

3. Good coach, bad coach.

Pentland will scream, "A-Rod, you're a loser, a cheap punk loser! You'll never make the Hall, you'll never make Monument Park, you let Cameron Diaz feed you popcorn, and you swung at a pitch outside the strike zone! YOU MAKE ME SICK!" He'll leave, and then Cockrell will enter, with a bag of Cherry Twizzlers and a lap-dancer. "Alex, Alex, Alex," he'll say. "Let's go over that last pitch..."

4. Doublecoach twins.

Double your coaching, double your runs. You'll find the two coaches better than one!

5. Duo scapegoats.

It's part of the Boss' legacy. In a storm, you always need baggage to throw overboard.