Monday, November 16, 2015

Let's face it: In terms of inflicting pain on their fans, the Yankees cannot compare to the Giants

It's like sick, angry performance art. Or a bad Hollywood disaster flick, with the biggest sharknado always still to come. Three times, it was over, three times. The Giants had beaten Brady and Patriots. Three times. All they needed to do was hold the football. They had the game. Then they lost.

The Giants lose football games the way a golden retriever chases a tennis ball. They just cannot stop themselves.

I can't take this. I can't take this, I can't take this, I tell you: I JUST CAN'T TAKE THIS! It's like watching the 2001 World Series against Arizona - all seven games, Brosius and Tino's HRs, leading to the humpback single - boiled down into one half-hour of torture therapy.

And here's the gemstone of this magical misery tour:

For the Gints, it's business as usual.

We blew game one against the Cowboys. A loss for the ages. We only needed to run out the clock. We couldn't. Then we blew game two against Atlanta. A classic fourth quarter collapse. Then came the recent loss to New Orleans - an out-of-body finger-breaker: A face-mask penalty lets the Saints kick a field goal with no time on the clock. You can't write that ending. Nobody will buy it.

Oh, but those were warm ups. Yesterday, we sat on New England's 5 yard line with two minutes left. A touchdown wins it. A FG puts us ahead. But I knew we'd lose. Everybody did. I knew we'd settle for the FG, so Brady could whisk his team down the field, which in the NFL is like eating a slice of pizza. I knew we would lose. Everybody in the free world did. It was another perfect collapse. With luck - or smarts (beyond Jason Pierre-Paw) - the Giants could be 9-1. Instead, they're 5-5. They'll finish 8-8 and out of the playoffs. Oh yes, there are a few more disasters yet to come.

I can't take this. Nothing in the Yankiverse compares to the Giants. Chasen Shreve's September doesn't come close. The Giants have made torture-losing into an art form.

After a loss like that, you roam the house, looking for things to break. I personally have come to wretch at the image of Tom Coughlin - our coach for life - with his head tilted like a dog, the beady eyes blazing, the cheeks flushed red - as another game turns into spit. And listen: I hate myself for this. Coughlin is a good man. He won two Super Bowls. He's a Hall of Fame coach, and I should cherish him. But I cannot take this. I cannot stand his face anymore, as he oversees the end of civilization. It's too much. No more, I say! Go ahead, Mr. Rumsfeld: Waterboard me, hook me up, anything, but not another loss like these. Can we just lose 51-0? Those will be like candy. Anything but this.

11 comments:

John M said...

The Giants have perfected the Swiss Cheese defense in the final minutes of their games. The similarity of these losses is amazing. They have the game wrapped up, it's over, they just need to play basic football competently. And they can't do it. Over and over and over.

The defense generally holds the opposition a number of times during the course of the game. But not in the last two minutes or less. Then they turn into Plaxico Burress in a nightclub. Pow. Bang. Giants lose.

I know I'm just repeating what you said, Duque. But it's just so freaking consistent. What goes on? Does the LSD kick in during the final minute or two? Is there something in the Gatorade?

Honey Barnes said...

Agreed on all fronts but the real rot is the Gints version of Cashman....Jerry Reese. He has left the team talent to sink to the levels of the Rocky Thompson era. Remember how fun that was being in the corner of Big Blue. How many of the current crop would rank amongst the to 20 players at their position? Perhaps two of 53. Unthinkable incompetence in a league where talent is the only predictor of success. Sweep the house clean.

Alphonso said...

Coughlin is like a plague and Reese is the infecting agent. The last creative idea Coughlin ever had was lighting two candles at mass instead of one.

He would never run 4 straight times at the goal line to, perhaps, score a touchdown or, at minimum, force NEA to use timeouts and leave them with the ball on the 2 yard line and 30 seconds. He would never use Darkwa to be the feature back...he isn't paid enough.

The coaching is the root cause of at least 4 losses, and the team talent ( no defense to stop anyone........that's why games are lost in the 4th quarter ) is all on Jerry Reece.

The ownership says/does nothing, so there is no accountability for failure. Therefore, who cares.

If it were the Yankees, at least they would fire the conditioning coach.

Honey Barnes said...

Or the FB Mason delivery guy.

Anonymous said...

THANK GOD MY ONLY SPORTS ALLEGIANCE IS TO OUR GLORIOUS NEW YORK YANKEES, BECAUSE TO HAVE YOUR HEAD SCRAMBLED FOR 7 MONTHS IN BASEBALL, THEN SWING RIGHT AWAY TO FOOTBALL AND HAVE YOUR BRAINS RATTLED THERE TOO, WOULD BE JUST TOO MUCH FOR ME....I FEEL FOR YOU DUQUE....MY FOOTBALL ALLEGIANCE IS TO WHOEVER MY MONEY IS ON THAT WEEK....I ACTUALLY FEEL "FREE" WHEN BASEBALL SEASON IS OVER...

KD said...

I'm with you, anonymous. I am blessed with a total lack of interest in the NFL. Well, almost total. I do like to see New England lose, if only because redsock fans are most assuredly also Patriot fans.

Anonymous said...

I HEAR YA KD ON THE PATS/RED SOX CONNECTION....DEFINITELY.

Leinstery said...

Oh boo hoo. Try being a Jets fan. Once every 10 years you are given a good team to root for and the rest of the decade is spent rooting for teams that range from mediocre to godawful. And you get to watch the Patriots shit on your team twice a year, and then see them win the Superbowl or see the Giants snake their way through the playoffs to complete the nightmare. Anonymous is totally correct, football blows. February is the only month where I feel totally safe from these shitty teams.

Alphonso said...

You guys are like Mustang. He has no interest in football.

I have tried for years to get him to waste more of his time by following football. It could be SU. It could be the Giants. Just one friggin' team.

So he could be like me and Duque.

But Mustang can really be inflexible when it comes to wasting time….unless, of course, it is in a bar with friends.

KD said...

One think I've always wondered about Mustang. Is he the same Mustang that comments regularly on RAB?

el duque said...

No, he's not. The other Mustang is a false Mustang, which is worse than a false Messiah.