FIFTY THOUSAND MOONS

Monday, November 23, 2015

Will those horrible, terrible,, big Yankee contracts really be "coming off the books" in the next two years?

Last week, Hal "I'm Not Cheap" Steinbrenner rendered unto the world his personal Vision of Hope:

"A couple of years from now, the payroll situation will be different," I'm Not Cheap told reporters. "I'll have flexibility."

What he meant was this: By 2019, the Yankees will finally be rid of Mark Teixeira, Carlos Beltran, Alex Rodrguez and CC Sabathia - the Core Four of Fiscal Doom. Their contracts will run out, and they will go, get out, be gone, shoo... leave us alone.

Because once they are gone - good riddance! - the beleaguered boy owner can once again spend his hard-inherited money. How fortunate New York is to have such a leader! He should do those radio ads for Peerless Boilers, talking about "more money in your pocket!" If we will only be patient, we'll be finally done with the likes of Tex, A-Rod, CC and Beltran - who the hell signed those guys, anyway? - and our small "b" billionaire will be able to afford new players, along with canned food.

Nevertheless, a terrifying possibility remains: 

What if - gulp - what if they have good years? And what if they want to stay?

Lord, I speak for the Yankiverse in saying, SEND THE ASTEROID!

Take first base, for example. Right now, everybody expects Tex (aka Wally Pipp) to tweak a gonad, so Greg Bird can ascend from Scranton to launch his Yankee career as Lou II. But what if - I shudder to write this - what if Teixeira stays healthy? What if he has a solid season? Why, dear God, would the Yankees have to make him a qualifying offer? And what if he accepts? That would ruin everything, EVERYTHING. What if Tex likes NY and wants to keep his family here? We'd be stuck with him for two more years... pushing I'm Not Cheap's contractual porn fantasies to 2017.

Here's a worse thought. I suggest you send children out of the room before proceeding:

What if A-Rod hits 30 HRs next year, and then another 30 in 2017? (He hit 33 this year.) That would leave him at 747 - only 15 behind Barry Bonds as the all-time HR leader. (Bud Selig's final curse: the ban that cost Alex the all-time top spot.) What if A-Rod wants to come back for one more year - to beat Bonds. Would I'm Not Cheap say, "No, hit the road, we can't afford you!" Would the Yankees make him a qualifying offer? Or would they let the Miami Marlins or Seattle Mariners market the glory of his historical, all-time leading HR?

Those millions might not disappear from the books, as quickly as I'm Not Cheap craves.

And what about the potential acrimony from Yankee players with an owner who is counting the minutes until he no longer must pay them. Resentments, anyone? 

As a Yankee fan, there is nothing I want more than for Hal to be happy. And let's face it: He's been dreaming of a $186 million payroll for years. Someday, I'm Not Cheap can fulfill all dreams... unless those pesky players get in the way. Why must they ruin everything?

2 comments:

John M said...

We're doomed. It could be 2020 before we see daylight. I'll be putting in my Medicare application, getting my MTA geezer subway card, and walking hunched over from years of Yankees dread and horror.

But at Citi Field, they have this apple that pops up after a home run...

Anonymous said...

....GREAT OBSERVATION ON A SCARY SUBJECT...