FIFTY THOUSAND MOONS
Monday, November 30, 2015
Posted by el duque at 7:05 AM
Today's Yankee owners play well with fellow owner heirs and heiresses. Thus, Hal "I'm Not Cheap" Steinbrenner says he will not bid on big name free agents, because the Yankees - (valued at $3.2 billion by Forbes last March, not counting the value of the YES network) - just can't afford another big contract. As a result, our "fierce rival" (wink wink), the Redsocks won't have to beat a gigantic Yankee counter-offer in their quest to sign David Price.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus - at least in Boston. He's known as Hal Kringle.
George Steinbrenner's death was the greatest thing that ever happened to modern MLB team owners, and the worst imaginable to the Players Association. He begot what nobody could imagine 10 years ago - a tightwad running the Yankees. So be it. It's the Steinbrenner family's team. It's the Steinbrenner family's money, legacy, stadium, domain, employees, etc. They can do what they want. But in the spirit of giving - yes, in the spirit of Christmas, I offer these yuletide suggestions.
1. Boston should kick back a few million to Hal - not an overwhelming amount, just enough to say "thanks." Without the Yankees bidding, the price of Price will be millions less. They should not pay so much that others - federal people, like judges - could suggest "collusion." That horrible, dirty word ended long ago. With the Supreme Court having eliminated the salary cap on buying elections, corruption is part of today's game, as long as you don't go around blabbing.
2. Hal needs a nice, secret slush fund, where other owners can pay him directly, preferably in gold. Obviously, it must be in the Cayman Islands, with shell game subsidiaries and compliant Swiss bankers. Hey, I'm just spit-balling here, but there's a golden opportunity for running prostitutes. Hal could dabble in coke and heroin - the blue chips - but I hope he draws the line on supplying weapons to terror groups. If he could horde all the world's diamonds, could he build a super death ray and demand Australia?
We'll soon know if it's really true: The Yankees - the Evil Dead - will actually sit back and watch Boston sign David Price, like me watching reruns of Gilligan's Island. On that day, Yankee fans everywhere will celebrate another victory for our owner's bottom line. We can live secure in knowing that if Hal drowns, it won't be in red ink... but gravy.