Thursday, November 19, 2015

Fans jubilant, as Hal Steinbrenner unveils intricate 10-point 2016 Yankee Action Plan

Yesterday, Hal "I'm Not Cheap" Steinbrenner granted a brief, papal toe-kissing session with selected scribes from the unwashed masses. I imagine Blofeld petting a cat, while everybody sits nervously over the shark tank. During the meeting, the heir owner outlined his 10-Point 2016 Yankee Action Plan:

1. Don't sign anybody to an expensive contract.
2. Avoid expensive free agents.
3. Hold the line on spending.
4. Sit out the bidding on big free agents.
5. Be careful not to get stuck with any big contracts.
6. Keep payroll down.
7. Cut costs.
8. Cheaper lunch meats in team buffet.
9. Round up nickel bottle deposits in clubhouse.
10. Don't sign anybody to an expensive contract.

I'm Not Cheap told onlookers:

“The last couple of years, the money that has come off, we’ve had to put it back in. Fill voids because we haven’t had the young players to do it with. The guys that we picked up two years ago, the McCanns and the Ellsburys, they’ve been great. Glad we did it. A couple of years from now, the payroll situation will be different. I’ll have flexibility. We will be active on the free-agent market. We always are. But I’ve got other options.”

Despite his astute signing of "Ellsbury the Great," I'm Not Cheap is lamenting the Yankees' inability to cut payroll below $186 million and avoid the luxury tax. He says no team should need to spend $200 million to win a World Series. Look at Kansas City. (Of course, the Royals had to suck for a decade, in order to accumulate high draft picks. Meanwhile, the Yankees have perfected the annual scenario of chasing the one-game, away field Wild Card slot.)

The 10-Point 2016 Yankee Action Plan raises one question, which apparently wasn't asked yesterday:

All those Yankee payroll savings... where does the money go?

Will the Yankees reduce cable TV fees? That would be nice. Will they cut ticket prices? That would be wonderful! How about cutting the price of official caps and shirts?

How about this: Hal could ask Steiner Collectables to cap the price of Authenticated, Limited Edition, Collectors' Item dirt from the old Yankee Stadium. Its value has skyrocketed, as fans yearn to stay connected to the last great Yankee teams. Could I'm Not Cheap manage to hold the line on these earthy treasures?

Oh well. Yankee fan everywhere should rejoice in knowing that, because of its sterling commitment to frugality, the Steinbrenner family will never end up in the poorhouse.

But where will all the money go?

11 comments:

Local Bargain Jerk said...



I heartily recommend that everyone read the source NY Post article cited in El Duque's post:

    http://nypost.com/2015/11/18/interpreting-hal-steinbrenners-outline-for-yankees-offseason/

The article gives us a pretty good glimpse into just how delusional Prince Hal really is. What Hal doesn't seem to understand is that, if he fields a crappy, uninteresting product year after year, his revenue stream will be stoppered in a New York minute.

How will Hal handle it when the sea of unfilled blue seats rises from the field level to the upper tiers? Will he and President Levine expand the mixed use, rent-our-stadium-to-a-soccer team concept to include letting it out to tractor pulls and rodeos?

Time to sell the team, Hal. Monetize it now while it still has value. Puh-leeze, jeez, we're begging ya.

ceeja said...

The real fans will be in the upper deck or listening from afar on the internet, like me. Hal can walk around the stadium and look at all the empty suites and premium seats. I don't think he has a clue why people follow his team and how it is that the rich guys simply feed off that passion when the team is going well. How could he understand? Has this guy ever had a real job or experienced real life?

Leif H. Lund said...

Cut the "Ticket Price" is mandatory, and don't "Buffet-Up" so much at Yankees-Stadium - NO BEER

Anonymous said...

GET READY GUYS...I'M GONNA CURSE......."THE MONEY THAT CAME OFF THE BOOKS, WE'VE HAD TO PUT BACK IN TO FILL VOIDS"..................STEPHEN DREW?......CHRIS CAPUANO???.......CHASE HEADLEY???.....THOSE 3 GUYS COST US $62 MILLION!.....WHAT A DUMB FUCKING TANDEM HAL AND CASHMAN ARE. HOLY SHIT!..........LAST YEAR, NO NEED FOR DREW....NO NEED FOR CAPUANO.....AND, NO NEED FOR HEADLEY....EASY SOLUTION WAS....KEEP PRADO (3RD BASE).....COMMIT TO REFSNYDER FROM DAY 1 AT (2ND BASE).......AND, USE BRIAN MITCHELL FOR (MOP UP DUTY)- ANYBODY, ANYBODY, FROM THE FARM FOR MOP UP DUTY (LEFTY OR RIGHTY DOESN'T MATTER-IT'S MOP UP)!.............I JUST SAVED THE FRANCHISE $40 MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS (PRADO WAS MAKING $11 MILLION PER, I BELIEVE WITH 2 YEARS LEFT)- AND I AM POSITIVE, WE WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER TEAM, WE WOULD HAVE HIT MORE, THAT'S FOR SURE.....LETS SEE IF I CAN SAVE THE MOTHERFUCKING "JEFFERSON FAMILY" SOME MORE MONEY SO THEY CAN KEEP "MOVIN' ON UP"......HEY, IT'S SIMPLE. IF WE'RE NOT GOING TO SIGN ANY BIG FREE AGENTS, DON'T BOTHER TO SIGN ANY "MID-RANGE",OR "LOWER LEVEL TIER" FREE AGENTS EITHER, IT WILL BE A WASTE OF MONEY............I BELIEVE MOST OF US YANKEE FANS CAN ACTUALLY LIVE WITH THIS UNDER ONE CONDITION........COMMIT TO OUR YOUNG GUYS!!!...SHOW CONFIDENCE IN THEM!!...TELL THEM EARLY ON THEY WILL PLAY AND WE NEED THEM!!!....START THE SEASON WITH SOME OF THEM RIGHT OUT OF SPRING TRAINING!!!....CALL OTHERS UP AS QUICK AS POSSIBLE WITH THE PROMISE TO GET REAL PLAYING TIME.........THERE YA GO!....I JUST SAVED GEORGE JEFFERSON AT LEAST $35 MILLION DOLLARS THAT HE ASSUREDLY IS READY TO SPEND ON HOWIE KENDRICK.....CALL UP JUDGE AND LET HIM PLAY, AND YOU MIGHT SAVE ANOTHER $150-$200 MILLION THAT JASON HEYWARD OR JUSTIN UPTON WOULD COST YOU........I CAN'T BELIEVE WE NOW HAVE THE "MET MENTALITY, AND FRUGALITY" STANCE THAT, FOR YEARS, I RIDICULED MY FRIENDS FOR.........MAYBE THEY SHOULD HAVE LEFT HANK IN CHARGE......IT'S ALL TOO AGGRAVATING.

SanJoseKid said...

If Hal doesn't feel he can field a competitive team, then how about an entertaining team? A Jim Bouton knuckle ball comeback. Old Timers' Day EVERYDAY.

Sayonara Kid said...

Is it too early in the year to start wondering if they're readying for a sale?

joe de pastry said...

I'm going to cut expenses too.
You won't see me at YSIII next year.

Anonymous said...

$35 DOLLAR PARKING TO SEE CHASE HEADLEY, AND AARON HICKS.....

Ken of Brooklyn said...

Exactly Joe de Pastry!
Last year was the first time I didn't attend a game at YS, felt weird especially the month they were red hot, but I just could't do it, the only way I could think of to protest the crap we all bemoan was to leave a seat vacant at the stadium.
Maybe things will change sooner than later, hope so, till then I'll be listening exclusively to The Master.

Alphonso said...

I'm sure his plan is to build housing and educational facilities in Tampa, to house Syrian refugees.

Teach them christianity or evangelical fanaticism.

Anonymous said...

$35 DOLLAR PARKING TO SEE BRENDAN RYAN