Fans jubilant, as Hal Steinbrenner unveils intricate 10-point 2016 Yankee Action Plan

Yesterday, Hal "I'm Not Cheap" Steinbrenner granted a brief, papal toe-kissing session with selected scribes from the unwashed masses. I imagine Blofeld petting a cat, while everybody sits nervously over the shark tank. During the meeting, the heir owner outlined his 10-Point 2016 Yankee Action Plan:

1. Don't sign anybody to an expensive contract.
2. Avoid expensive free agents.
3. Hold the line on spending.
4. Sit out the bidding on big free agents.
5. Be careful not to get stuck with any big contracts.
6. Keep payroll down.
7. Cut costs.
8. Cheaper lunch meats in team buffet.
9. Round up nickel bottle deposits in clubhouse.
10. Don't sign anybody to an expensive contract.

I'm Not Cheap told onlookers:

“The last couple of years, the money that has come off, we’ve had to put it back in. Fill voids because we haven’t had the young players to do it with. The guys that we picked up two years ago, the McCanns and the Ellsburys, they’ve been great. Glad we did it. A couple of years from now, the payroll situation will be different. I’ll have flexibility. We will be active on the free-agent market. We always are. But I’ve got other options.”

Despite his astute signing of "Ellsbury the Great," I'm Not Cheap is lamenting the Yankees' inability to cut payroll below $186 million and avoid the luxury tax. He says no team should need to spend $200 million to win a World Series. Look at Kansas City. (Of course, the Royals had to suck for a decade, in order to accumulate high draft picks. Meanwhile, the Yankees have perfected the annual scenario of chasing the one-game, away field Wild Card slot.)

The 10-Point 2016 Yankee Action Plan raises one question, which apparently wasn't asked yesterday:

All those Yankee payroll savings... where does the money go?

Will the Yankees reduce cable TV fees? That would be nice. Will they cut ticket prices? That would be wonderful! How about cutting the price of official caps and shirts?

How about this: Hal could ask Steiner Collectables to cap the price of Authenticated, Limited Edition, Collectors' Item dirt from the old Yankee Stadium. Its value has skyrocketed, as fans yearn to stay connected to the last great Yankee teams. Could I'm Not Cheap manage to hold the line on these earthy treasures?

Oh well. Yankee fan everywhere should rejoice in knowing that, because of its sterling commitment to frugality, the Steinbrenner family will never end up in the poorhouse.

But where will all the money go?