Thursday, September 6, 2018

"Fish Gotta Rot, Bird's Gotta Sit"

We still got no one
Knows how to fix it
Can't help
Wishin' these guys would go home.

As has often and truly been said, fish rot from the head down, and stinking flounders of this team's magnitude are the product, pure and simple, of the team's rapidly decaying brain matter.

This is past tired, folks.  If it were vaudeville—which it increasingly resembles—someone would haul out the big hook.  If it were amateur night at the Apollo—which it also looks like—the crowd would be stomping the joint down.

As for us?  Well, thank the JuJu gods there is alcohol.

How many times is this going to go on, now?

The Yankees run through their paces of incompetence like so many finely trained, syphilitic Lippizaner stallions.

Let's see...

—Top of the first, load the bases—and continue baseball's very worst production in such situations. Check!

—Bottom of the first, put our obviously floundering "ace" on the mound to throw meatballs anywhere but in the general vicinity of our befuddled catcher's glove.  Watch the A's smash them all around the park when he does.  Check!

Right away, game over.  On a date when the Yanks' eternal rival battled back from a six-run deficit like mead-crazed Viking berserkers storming Paris, this flat and incompetent club lurches toward the end of the game as vacant-eyed as Little Orphan Annie.

Something's gotta give, people, and it's up top.

This late in the season, our starter and our catcher cannot possibly go out there not knowing what the signs are.  That situation cannot possibly be tolerated for an entire inning without intervention by our manager and coaches.

Our starter, who two months ago was the second-best pitcher in the league cannot possibly be all right, with this his seventh or eighth or ninth putrid start of the second half.  That situation cannot possibly be tolerated by our crack front office and medical staff while who knows what is happening to his arm.

We cannot possibly still be embracing a hitting philosophy in which we fail constantly and pathetically in situations where pitchers are forced, more than ever, to throw fastballs down the heart of the plate.

Say what you will about this or that individual player—our infield rookies, Gary Sanchez, Severino, whoever—the fault, my dear brutes, lies not with our stars but with our management team, from the owner's box down through the dugout.

Able to produce, for the first time in over twenty years, a modicum of young talent, we have let it crumble to pieces, thanks to a complete failure in perception and instruction.  The bibulous horse doctors we hire as medical experts constantly let players stay on the field until body parts are visibly dropping off, then send us cryptic reports on them about as honest as those emanating from the Kremlin when Stalin checked out.

And atop it all is the chief fish brain, Dr. Cooperstown himself, who, in the final, unbearable irony of this whole, interminable, unbearable season, will be lauded far and wide for all he did for us.

C'mon, let's get the betting pool together:  which Knight of the Press Box will be the first to scribble that, "All in all, 2018 was really Brian Cashman's finest year"?

My money is on Billywitz.






11 comments:

Anonymous said...

WHAT A FUCKING DISGRACE TONIGHT HOSS.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN.

I'M NOT A BIG BELIEVER IN MAJOR LEAGUE PLAYERS BEING MAGICALLY HELPED BY COACHES, BUT IN THESE 2 CASES WITH SANCHEZ AND BIRD, WHAT ARE THEY DOING OR SAYING TO HELP THESE 2 GUYS?

ESPECIALLY SANCHEZ.

HE WAS A NEAR DEVASTATING HITTER NOT LONG AGO. NOW HE CAN'T BREAK .190

HE REFUSES TO TAKE A WALK AND HAS NO PATIENCE AT THE PLATE ANYMORE.

HE DOESN'T SEEM TO WANT TO TAKE THE BALL THE OTHER WAY ANYMORE, WHICH WAS WHAT MADE HIM SO EFFECTIVE IN THE PAST.

CAN'T THE HITTING COACH HELP CONVEY THESE OBVIOUS HITTING FUNDAMENTALS?

ON TO BIRD.

KEEPS BOUNCING THE BALL INTO THE TEETH OF THE SHIFT, OR HITTING WEAK FLY BALLS TO THE OF.

REFUSES TO HIT THE BALL TOWARD 3RD BASE WHERE THERE IS NO ONE THERE TO FIELD IT.

CAN'T THE HITTING COACH HELP?

IF HE CAN'T HELP EITHER OF THESE 2 GUYS, THEN WHY IS HE COLLECTING A CHECK AT ALL?

WHO THE FUCK IS OUR HITTING COACH?

MARCUS THAMES?

JOSH BARD?

COCKRELL? PENTLAND?

WHO THE FUCK IS IT?

WHOEVER IT IS, THEY SUCK BECAUSE THIS TEAM IS FOR SHIT WITH THEIR SITUATIONAL HITTING, NOT TO MENTION HOW LOST THESE 2 PLAYERS ARE AT THE PLATE.

Publius said...

They're having fun in Scranton. Walk off home run in a playoff game. Best team in Yankees organization, for several years running.

HoraceClarke66 said...

I agree, ALL-CAPS. I just can't figure this.

NOBODY on this team gets better. Nobody. Oh, all right, they somehow managed to put Betances more-or-less back together.

But that's it. Everybody else comes up, looks good for awhile, then descends. Something is deeply wrong with how this team is run.

It is, sad to say, yet another way Coops makes it the team he wants. If you don't hire coaches who can coach anybody then gee, whattaya know, you gotta hire more free agents.

Joe of AZ said...

As I watch in real time Sevy's current Ice cream samich of a MELTDOWN...I can't help but remember all the games early in the year where Boone, probably looking down at his line up card instead of watching the game, would leave sevy for 7,8 innings well over 100 plus pitches marinating on the mound with the Yanks up a billion to 1 in a blowout game instead of pulling him out to save some miles on his arm. Now he's getting lit up like a Macy's parade Christmas tree.


Boone sucks...

As I was peerin through the IIHIIFIIC archives of last year....NEVER did we blast Binders teams of glory for undisciplined, sloppy, gritless unprepared play this late in the year... NEVER.

AND Boone and Co...was the right choice???? Fukin scrubs

KD said...

ALL CAPS, Situational hitting in the new baseball is this: you at the plate with a bat? Hit a home run. we don't want to see you standing on a base.

TheWinWarblist said...

The Republic is breaking and now this from the Yankees. My head hangs in sadness.

Retired Stratman said...

Each and every day that goes by makes me more certain that there is only one excruciatingly painful answer to the Yankees’ managerial malaise:

Buck Showalter.

There - I said it.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Stratman, I would welcome Buck back with open arms.

But Josh Bard said it best the other day, after his own darling contribution to this mangy dog of a season:

"The system stays the same."

I would say that getting rid of one man, and one man only will change anything, and that man is Brian Cashman.

But that would be wrong. Cashman—or "Cashmere" as my auto-correct hilariously keeps calling him—is only there because of who is running the team.

With Old George, there was madness but also, at times, accountability. After last night's non-effort and pathetic excuses—"We use different signs"—heads would have been rolling.

Now, there is only the bottom line. And it is fat and sassy.

Retired Stratman said...

Hoss, I don’t think that Buck is the long term answer. But he’s proven that he can take young teams on the rise and give them the kind of instructional leadership that this team so obviously needs - the kind that this bunch of Boonean boobs are incapable of providing. I can picture Girardi sitting by the pool sipping margaritas and laughing his ass off at all of this.

thecontrarian said...

Showalter has been a winner everywhere he has gone. Texas was his worst stop, and this year's Orioles have dragged his career WP way down. He's won three Manager of the Year Awards for basically taking poor teams and turning them around quickly into contenders. He came up through the Yankee farm system and coaching system, and essentially got fired for refusing to throw Rick Downs under the bus. If anyone can right this ship quickly, it's Buck. I wonder, though, if his personality would clash with Cash. Something tells me that would be a prickly relationship.

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