"So long, it's been good to know ya..."

Don't mean to be that melodramatic, actually.

It's just that I am heading out to the desert to search for Alphonso.

No, really, Mrs. Calabash and I got a rare opportunity to join a couple friends on their junket to sunny Portugal!  Fado, roast pork, gigantic sardines, and all the port we can port, await.  We head out late tomorrow.

I consider this to be a far, far better JuJu sacrifice than I have ever made before.  I will voluntarily absent myself from the beginning of the Yankees' stunning, wild card run to a World Series triumph, and thereby boost the team to victory.

Either that, or it's craven, abject cowardice on my part, arranging to miss their almost certain, Wild Card Play-In loss to the Philadelphia Kansas City Athletics.

As it happens, I will also miss the team's final, regular-season series in Boston.  But don't worry.  If by some miracle they should survive the mighty A's, I will be back in time to see the Red Sox complete the Beantown Beatdown by giddily celebrating their ALDS sweep on our field.

All this leaves so much for me to worry over in sunny Portugal.

—Having broken the Yankees' single-season record, can Giancarlo Stanton accumulate the 15 more he needs to break the major-league record?  THREE Golden Sombreros in Fenway?  Not bloody likely.

—Will ICS manage to sink below the Sub-Mendoza—subsequently to be known as the Sanchez—Line?  Entirely possible.

—Will the Yankees manage to win two more games, and thereby become the 20th and most annoying 100-win team in the club's history?  Possible, but I doubt it.

—Will the Yanks manage another five dingers to break the all-time, single-season team home-run record?  Maybe—but I'm sure it will be broken in turn in another year or two.

—Will another key player get injured in Boston?  You can bank on it.

See you later, alligator!  As they say in sunny Portugal.