Schrodinger's Stanton Finds New Way to Kill Yanks

So you thought the only way Giancarlo Stanton could hurt the Yankees was by playing, eh?  Flailing away at pitches miles out of the strike zone, the way he did against a soon-to-be-discarded closer in the 2018 ALDS?

Or maybe you thought that Stanton was killing the Yankees by spending so much time on the DL, taking up money and room that would be better bestowed on a player who can, y'know, actually play?

Oh ye of little faith!

Our Giancarlo has discovered a way to beat the Yanks not only be playing and not-playing, but by not playing while playing!

It's not easy, I know, but that's what GC has accomplished.

Just look at last night's game.  When EE drew his two-out walk in the top of the 11th, the Yanks had no one to pinch-run for him.

Sure, that was due in part to CC's Magical Mystery Tour Ego Trip, and in part to what was truly Ma Boone's most dubious decision of the night, putting in Aaron Hicks for Cameron Maybin.

But it was also due to Giancarlo.

If he could so much as hit, the Yanks could've put him up there like one more savage in the box, a la Kirk Gibson in the 1988 World Series, and let him swing away.

If he couldn't go at all, the Yanks could have mournfully replaced his ass on the roster, and at least had someone on the theme—such as Tyler Wade—who could have pinch-run for EE and tried to steal second.

There's no saying if that would've won the game, of course.  Crapp may well still have allowed that home run—or more!—in the bottom of the inning.  The Astros might've had the brains to intentionally walk Brett Gardner, and just pitch to Sanchez instead.  Or maybe Gardner doesn't get his hit with a runner in scoring position.

OR...any number of other things go right, and the Yanks hang on and win.

We can't know.  There's no predicting baseball, as a great man likes to say.

But we do know that Stanton, being neither dead or alive—like Schrodinger's cat—fucks up the Yankees both ways—crucially limiting their roster AND providing absolutely no chance that any of his wild swings might accidentally manage to produce some runs.

Physics will never the same.