It's Better to Run to Toronto Than to Run to a Team You Don't Want to! Yanks Edge Jays, Remain Tied for First.

The virtual New York Yankees, wracked once more with injuries and running low on pitchers, got a sturdy six innings from Mike King, then hung on for 5-4 win in Toronto.

King allowed three runs and nine hits, but was able to repeatedly pitch in and out of trouble.  Adam Ottavino came on to allow a massive, upper-deck home run to massive, Vlad the Lad, Jr., but Aroldis "Cool Hand" Chapman managed to wriggle out of a bases loaded jam in the ninth inning, striking out Brandon Drury to end the game.

Home runs by Walkie Tauchman and Thairo Estada, and a pair of booming doubles by D.J. "Jazzy" LeMahieu provided all the runs the Yankees needed.

The Yankees arrival in Toronto was delayed when manager Ma Boone's luggage was searched, and he was detained and charged with attempting to smuggle rare indigenous artifacts across the border.  The object in question was later found to be simply one more of the incredibly popular, "Thairo the Pharaoh" Egyptian headdresses sold at the Stadium earlier this year.

"Sure, that's what it was," said Boone, his eyes darting around furtively at a press conference.  He also denied that, when apprehended, he had surreptitiously swallowed a sacred Egyptian scarab.

Informed that no one thought he had by a puzzled press, Boone walked off the podium, visibly glowing and with his irises turning a flaming red color.

"Well see that you DON'T!"  he snapped, before his head transformed into that of a jackal's.

Yankees trainers later confirmed that they were monitoring the situation, but would not provide any further information.