Bin Laden Decries Media Bias After Being Identified as "Obama"

PAKISTAN _ Top al Qaeda strategists are accusing major terror networks of repeatedly referring to Osama bin Laden as “Obama” in underground emails and comments.

Some popular terror personalities have even referred to him as “Osama Hussein bin Laden,” though that is not his middle name.

“These deliberate and hurtful distortions are a mockery to Allah,” al Qaeda spokesman Maree al-Matelin charged, adding that a few outlets have even altered photographs to make Osama look older. “These jackals may think it’s funny to say ‘Obama,’ but the working suicide bombers out there don’t appreciate their leader being confused with the Great Satan.”

Bin Laden hoped to release a terror video in time for last month’s U.S. elections, but the production snafus have postponed the project until 2012.

In recent months, bin Laden has battled widespread rumors that he is a Mormon and former graduate of the infamous Arthur Murray Dance program. Terror rivals have noted his 1980s interviews with Dan Rather and accused him of palling around with the former capitalist.

Bin Laden denies the charge and says it is a diversion from the current crisis facing terror. His organization recently published a white paper claiming worldwide media coverage is unfairly slanted against genocide.
One joke on terror webcasts portrayed “Obama lin Biden” as old, confused and unable to read text messages. Asked his preference of suicide belt, the elder responds, “Hm-mm, Depends.”

In several terror community meetings last month, Osama was embarrassed when audience members shouted, “Jesus is My Co-pilot,” and “Health Care Now.” At one point, he took the microphone from an elderly woman, cut off her head with his sickle, and announced that if followers are sick, instead of whining about medical care, they should consider martyrdom.

“We seek no Jihad with the snakes of the media,” al-Matelin stressed. “But the butchers of fact must learn that the line of truth cuts only as straight as the jagged sword of vengeance.”