Saturday, November 15, 2008

Updated Target Practice Coordinates for Fatcats at Yankee Stadium

Honest Abe has posted photos of the House that Rudy Built, including shots of the seat cup-holders that are meant to placade us, the bootless and unhorsed of the Yankiverse, who'll dig into our kids' Ritalin money so CC Sabathia can cut his grass with a solid gold riding mower.

The best shot, with our added trajectory suggestions, shows where the fatcat Wall Street federal-buyout corporate banker oppressors will be glugging the hedonistic fruits of our taxpayer dollars... in the "Legends" seats. God knows what they cost, and He probably can't afford them. Abe notes that if the section looks sparse now, it's only because the cushioned, waterbed cheesebutt-holders won't be installed until spring.

We've estimated your lob coordinates for tomatoes, urine samples, flaming paper bags of dog-poo and the infamous Yankee Stadium nacho cheese, which may cause genetic mutation. If the wind is blowing toward left, the billionaires and their celebrity supermodel beach inflatables will be within hotdog mortar distance. But don't wait until the fifth inning, because by then, there'll be nobody near the field: They'll be in the oxygen bars, watching "Heroes." (Gosh, I really feel like a radical revolutionary here. I just got rid of a week's worth of hostility. Now I can do the boss's laundry and not feel bad!)

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kinda useless duque. Did you not read the press release about the Legends seats new proposed anti-missle defense system?

http://janeheller.mlblogs.com said...

Oxygen bars. Damn. I should have included them in my suggestions for the luxury boxes. It's hard to inhale when the person next to you has peanut breath.