Friday, August 7, 2009

Five things you didn't want to know about Chad Gaudin

1. He was the youngest Devil Ray in history to debut in the majors. Think about that for a moment. The Devil Rays. They would have brought up Corey Feldman if they thought it would sell 20 tickets. I don't know if he still is on record as the youngest Devil Ray in history. They've probably played the entire cast of High School Musical at certain times, but this guy was a legitimate phenom -- as was SuperFrankenstein back in the 1950s.

2. In 2004, Chad was traded to Toronto for future Yankee lugnut Kevin Cash. This has to go down as one of history's great ironies, two kayaks passing in the night. Truth is, everybody in baseball is traded for some future Yankee at some point in their careers. You could look it up. Instead of having Old-Timers Day with geezers out in the field, testing their pacemakers, they could set aside 40,000 tickets and have former Yankees fill the stands.

3. In December 2007, Chad had a sesamoidectomy. He knows the way to Sesamoid Street.

4. His girlfriend is, or at least was, Syndal Gorden. A miracle of modern architecture, the First Lady of Balcony Vistas, this proves once-and-for all something. Not sure what. Something.

5. Deadspin called him "The Amish Rifle." Damned if I can figure out why. He must like to farm. Or maybe he refuses to use buttons. Let's just hope Suzyn doesn't try to interview him with one of them newfangle electric microphone contraptions. He must be Amish, right?


3 comments:

Joe said...

wonder if he'll donate that badass beard to locks for love?

Anonymous said...

hmm it seems he's Swish's former roommate!

dadlak said...

Amish men often sport a Gaudin-like beard (with no mustache). Gaudin is from Louisiana, which has very few Amish, so he must have some other inspiration. Ryan Franklin, maybe?