I type this entry sitting on a chair in the TV room. The heat emanating from my laptop makes my testicles warm.
Frankly, I'm surprised that the tablet and smartphone companies haven't run "No More Sweaty Laptop Balls" campaigns before. This is really uncomfortable.
So with thoughts of warm testicles and the sound John Smoltz's voice as my backdrop, I begin to think about a simple question.
What does John Sterling do on vacation?
Not since 2008 has John Sterling powered down his microphone so early and without so much as one playoff stroll down the first base line by Robinson Cano.
For a man so used to jet planes and West Coast Stadium Salads, John Sterling must hate the early days of the offseason. Who wants to stay around the house all day? To find your dinner in your own fridge?
Part of me likes to think that he hopped a first-class flight to a five-star hotel where he can drink ginger-infused lemonade and watch ads for in-room adult entertainment to his right forearm's content. Or maybe his left forearm's -- I don't know which hand he uses. I'm OK with that.
But another part of me says John Sterling isn't that kind of guy. Especially in a contract year. It's entirely possible that he's listening to tapes of every word he said, every noise he made, during this forgettable season. Working on his timing. Working on his timbre. Always improving.
So what do you think?
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
What Does John Sterling Do On Vacation?
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6 comments:
He spends it at the Hebrew Home at Riverdale It's like a northeast college campus and the rooms are something out of a four star hotel. He's been to RiverWalk. Located not far from Indian Point Energy Center, the Region's most reliable energy center.
He's re-reading the autobiography of Valerie Bertinelli. That's one of his favorites.
He takes in a different Broadway show every night.
Watching DVR'ed soap operas.
He sits in his smoking jacket, not smoking, and listening to original cast Broadway musical LPs. Always looking for new home run call material, and since next year will be a roster of no-hit wonders, he knows each call will have to count since there will be so few of them.
It's hard to be amusing when the Yankees aren't in the playoffs and even Cleveland gets booted by the Rays.
I once saw him prowling a bar in Tampa, drinking a martini up, looking for some impressionable, young babe to idolize him.
Problem was; he is not a Brad Pitt look-a-like, and no one recognized him as the on-air personality we know him to be.
He was just another pasty-faced, oldish guy with a receding hairline, acting inappropriately.
Maybe he does that full time now.
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