(Tap tap.) Hello, Mr. Steinbrenner? I know you're in there. (Tap tap.) You can come out now. It's OK. The bidding on the international free agent from Cuba is over. You're safe.

Psssst, Hal, I know you're in there. It's OK. You can come out now. The bidding on Jose Abreu is over. They announced it last night on the game. He's signing with the White Sox for $68 million. You and your checkbook are safe.

According to Peter Gammons, Chicago outbid the Astros and Redsocks. Nothing from you, eh? Good thinking. Why would we want a free agent Cuban hitter said to be better than Cespedes or Puig? Especially if the Redsocks are bidding $40 million on him. What do they know? And we certainly have no room for a RH-hitter. We've got Vernon Wells, with the Angels - ha ha! - paying his salary. Talk about outsmarting everybody! (Tap tap.) Hello, Hal? Is it cold in there?

It's great that you have this hiding place for when international free agents hit the market. Is Hank in there? Cash? Randy Levine? You guys must like it, because you've gone there a lot lately.  You went in for Aroldis Chapman. Jose Iglesias. Yu Darvish. Then Cespedes, Puig, Jose Soler, and all the recent players from Japan. Remember last year when the Yankees accidentally won the bidding rights to that all-star Japanese shortstop? You went into your pod until he gave up and went away. And boy, we sure didn't need a shortstop last year, did we?

I know... you grabbed Ichiro. And Hiroki Kuroda! You signed him after he proved himself in LA. Yep. And you're still fuming over how that mean Kei Igawa stole your hard-inherited money. It just wasn't fair. Why do those other teams up the price on these players? (Tap tap.) Hello, Hal? Allie-allie-in freeee. You can come out now. Your money is safe.