Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Yankee farm system is producing a wave of great prospects... for Dr. Andrews

Department of Depressing, Three-Day-Old News:

Ty "Voodoo Doll" Hensley - aka: the unluckiest prospect in baseball history - underwent another surgery last week, so he'll miss another season - his third - since the Yankees drafted him first in 2012. The doctors should install zippers, They've cut the poor guy's hip, hernia - originally, the Yankees saw something in an x-ray and wheedled down his signing bonus - and now his elbow, shortly after he decided to renew his romance with Pentothal and Diprivan and last winter got himself beaten into a foam lather by some steroidal ex-linebacker. Hensley vows to come back and pitch. Frankly, the Yankees should flee this guy. He's a Cat-5 Juju Hurricane, a Sidney Ponson volcano waiting to erupt. Send him off to fight ISIS. Better yet, let ISIS recruit him. (Of course, that's a joke; we do wish Ty the best.)

But Hensley is hardly alone in the cancer ward. Last winter, several Yankee Prospect Ranking blogs - which, by the way, are useless - blathered up an 18-year-old, low Single A catcher named Luis Torrens. Some ranked him in the Yankee Top 10... that is, until he underwent TJ surgery last month.

Then there is Domingo German, another stanza of Cashman found-poetry. When the Yankees traded for Nathan Evoldi, German was claimed to be the secret "steal," a gem expertly snatched by the wise and crafty Yankee GM. I read somewhere the old chestnut that the deal would be "known someday as the Domingo German trade." Well, maybe not. He's had TJ surgery, much like his psychic predecessor - Jose Campos (who now calls himself "Vincente;" go figure) - the hidden "jewel" of the great Pineda/Montero trade. Vincente is also recovering from TJ surgery.

Demoralizing, eh? The Yankees current "top" prospect is RH pitcher Luis Severino - until he wrecks his arm for 16 months. How can anyone hold out hope? (In fact, some "scouts" have disturbingly projected Severino to be in the bullpen cog. Imagine that: Our best prospect... a bullpen lug nut?) Frankly, I'm waiting for the news that he's headed for surgery. That would make him the next Manny Banuelos (now of Atlanta) who was a sure Yankee superstar, the next Ron Guidry, until his elbow needed a slice.

The moral? Until the Yankees start developing actual MLB-ready players under age 25 - (Dellin Betances didn't arrive until 26) - we should figure that they cannot develop them at all. All the YES-men chatter about Greg Bird and Aaron Judge... it's just the corporate mouth machine. Every team has a Top Ten List of prospects. At some point, the Yankees must offer more than excuses and torn elbows.


John M said...

Two words when it comes to player development: Joba Chamberlain.

He's great! Wow, this kid is fantastic!

Let's make him a starter. No, wait, let's put a tight pitch count on him. Hold on, let's watch him get attacked by a mob of midges and do nothing. OK, OK, let's put him in the bullpen again like we did at the beginning.

Boy, he's not looking so hot. What the hell is wrong with him? Must have been the trampoline thing. Let's unload him fast.

Another management success! Good thing they figured out he's a head case before he really damaged the team!

Here's a thought. Maybe every supposedly promising young player the Yankees get their hands on can immediately go for TJ surgery. Maybe a couple of TJ surgeries. At least it would keep them from getting completely fucked up by the braintrust, either through severe misdevelopment or being kept in the minors beyond the point of caring, so high-salaried losers can continue to man the big field.

More and more, I feel like I've become trapped in an abusive relationship. Is there such a thing as YanksAnon? (Alright, stop the masturbation jokes right there...)

Anonymous said...

end the abusive relationship. stop writing inconsequential drivel here

Anonymous said...

You know say what you want..freedom of speech is a wonderful thing, but I will tell you this you call him names..but Ty will find a way turn this sh&* sandwich he has been dealt into something positive and say a kid ought to work for ISIS is just poor, poor taste and shoddy writing.