Thursday, April 9, 2015
On behalf of the Yankiverse: Thank you, Toronto! And may you always return to confront us on the field of play
Posted by el duque at 5:45 AM
Too often, we in the business of channeling the rise and fall of the New York Yankees have a tendency to get down on the world.
We see the glass not as half empty, but as half-full... of pee - Satan's, to be precise, after he's eaten a pound of German asparagus. It's not pleasant. But then, thankfully, you come to town - O, you wacky kids with your Canadian smiles and madcap bullpen - to remind us once again that flowers will rise, as long as the AL East is a traveling dump truck full of manure.
Last night, with your crazy wild pitches and hit batters - you not only gave the Yankees our first victory, but you serviced us, right in our homes. It was like a surprise, pre-paid pizza arriving on the doorstep. It was joyful night I shall not forget.
You see, I had given up. Down by two runs in the eighth, I had concluded that the world is a horrible place, and that there would never again be Christmas - because the mean old Grinch, Hal Steinbrenner, had slithered down the chimney with Stephen Drew and stolen all the goodies.
Then you came.
I thank you.
I salute you.
Dammit, you are so much more than Celine Dion and the Crash Test Dummies, whose breakout hit "M-M-M-M" was seriously overplayed on FM drive-time.
You deserve all the oil pipelines you can get.
You are always welcome in Yankee Stadium.
In fact, remember:.. there is another game tonight! BE THERE, O, JOLLY FRIENDS FROM WINTER! WE CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU!