Yankees apparently say "No" to Ben Zobrist. Did the Doomsday Howie Kendrick Clock just move up a minute?

I cannot escape these brain worm deliriums, which leave me howling and slobbering into my safety collar. I can only compare them to the disturbing hallucination Tony Stark suffered during his opening confrontation with Scarlet Witch, when he foresaw the Avengers' corpses littered across a smoldering Skrull-infested battlescape. Yeah, it's that bad. I chew through my suspension tethers, and the orderlies don't have enough laxatives to subdue me. It's one honkingly serious bad dream.

In it, the Yankees sign Howie Kendrick to play 2B.

Excuse me, while I shrink to a corner and moan.

I'm back. OK, I know what you're thinking. No way will the Yankees sign Howie Kendrick. It makes no sense. Trouble is, I don't see Brian Cashman going into 2016 with a 2B platoon of Rob Refsnyder and Dustin Ackley. It's just not the Yankee Way. The Yankee Way is to snag some castaway veteran retread to a flea-market contract - Brian Roberts, Stephen Drew, it doesn't matter, as long as they are five years past sell-date. When possible, the Yankees prefer guys who hurt us in the past, even though without us to torture, their production levels are certain to fall. That's Howie Kendrick, folks. He's a free agent. He'll be 32. He'll cost us a draft pick. He has a finicky hamstring. There are a million reasons why we don't need him. So why can't I shake the feeling that we'll get him cheap, for two years, and he's coming for me.

Excuse me, I need to eat a box of laxatives.

I'm back, ten pounds lighter. What brought about these Howie attacks was news yesterday that the Yankees apparently won't bid on Ben Zobrist. That followed news that the Yankees apparently won't bid on Daniel Murphy. There is, of course, no certainty to these newsy tidbits, because they could be Cashmanic crapola - disinformation meant to drive down the bidding. But let's face it, Zobrist and Murphy will cost too much. I think Kendrick will come cheaper, especially if teams must surrender a draft pick.

I know it makes no sense. But as a fan, you need a reason to hope, even if it's crazy. Let me give you an example: I get far more excited about Greg Bird than I do for Mark Teixeira. I know it's stupid. I know it's wrong. Tex has been a great Yankee. He could return and hit 30 HR next season. Bird could be a flop, the next Kevin Maas. But given a choice to watch the two, I'd take Bird. It's the difference between somebody coming and somebody going. It's the difference between a past star and - just maybe - a future one. In recent years, the Yankees have done a really poor job of giving their fans any such hope.

Refsnyder may be a delusion worthy of the Scarlet Witch. But at least he gives hope. Will they stomp it out? Excuse me. I need to go cry.